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Enter Ethereum (ETH), always eager to prove it wasn’t just somebody’s feverish dream. ETH rocketed past $3,700 for a wispy moment before remembering it hasn’t paid rent on hope in years and politely sliding back to $3,671-earning almost 4% and a pat on the back from sympathetic uncles at the crypto club. Meanwhile, Ripple (XRP), doggedly climbing to $3.05, practically rented a brass band to celebrate crossing the sacred $3 threshold-if only anyone noticed. Solana (SOL) dizzily aims for $170, Dogecoin (DOGE) grins through its whiskers at $0.206, Cardano (ADA) and Stellar (XLM) clamber up in solidarity, while Hedera (HBAR) and Toncoin (TON) prefer to sample the delights of the gutter. Such is the grand parade. 🥁

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This daring phrase, plucked directly from the famed melodramatic utterances of Mr. Vito Corleone from The Godfather, seems to encapsulate Mr. Saylor’s firm conviction that Bitcoin is of such surpassing worth that to overlook it would be the height of folly-and perhaps even a sin of omission, dear reader. 😂

And-plot twist-the U.S. Army just popped up on Slack: “Hey, fancy a casual $10-billion, decade-long subscription?” If that actually happens, Palantir could upgrade from “financially comfortable” to “buying islands on Pinterest just for the aesthetic” status. On August 5, the stock itself did a little hop of 4.14% and pre-market sprinted to $168. My Fitbit logged the same heart-rate spike when I spotted a two-for-one croissant sale, so I feel them.

Enter the new kids on the blockchain: institutional investors waltzing in with their shiny ETFs and big wallets. Analysts are now saying these corporate behemoths might just be the unwitting villains who kick off the next bear market. Drama, anyone? 🎭

Check out our Live Update Coverage on the Best Crypto Presales for August 5, 2025! Yes, we said “best.” Don’t @ us if your favorite coin didn’t make the cut-cry about it somewhere else. 😘

Now, brace yourselves! The big showdown on August 6? It’s all about moving the whole mess from Texas to Delaware. Why Delaware, you ask? Because apparently, Sapien Group (a fancy shareholder group) thinks the case will be better off there. Who knew states had such big egos? 🏛️

If you thought crypto was just a bunch of nerds arguing over digital numbers, think again. M’s mood swings are more dramatic than a soap opera-one day it’s stuck in a narrow channel, the next it’s smashing through resistance like a bull in a china shop.

The official status page finally tugged the cord back at 14:44 UTC+8-who even knew that timezone had a sense of drama-and the chain pretended it had always been running smoothly. You’ve got to love a network that panics, jets off for a quick sandwich, then struts back in with “Ta-da! Fixed!” like a hung-over matinee idol. #Relatable

On August 4, an announcement was fired off on X (formerly Twitter, for those stuck in the Edwardian era). Solana confirmed that not just a handful, but tens of thousands of these gadgets are currently thundering down the world’s postal routes. The Seeker is the spiritual successor to the Saga-that first great leap forward in wallet-wielding, token-dropping mobile wizardry, which, to put it mildly, had all the early momentum of a snail at siesta. Until, of course, those lucrative airdrops showed up and suddenly everyone wanted in. Funny, that.