MSTR’s BTC Fortress: CIO’s ‘No Sell’ Gambit 😂

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Strategy (MSTR), that most audacious of crypto barons, will not-repeat, will not-be compelled to liquidate its Bitcoin hoard should its share price wobble like a penguin on a trampoline, insists Bitwise’s CIO, Matt Hougan, with the confidence of a man who’s never owned a stock. “Those who suggest otherwise,” he declared in a missive worthy of a Victorian pamphlet, “are simply mistaken-perhaps by a factor of 10,000%.”

“Should MSTR’s price dip below NAV,” he continued, “do not expect a panic sale. Why? Because Michael Saylor’s faith in Bitcoin is as unshakable as a drunkard’s belief in a cab at midnight.” Hougan, ever the optimist, likened a forced $60 billion Bitcoin dump to “two years of ETF inflows”-a comparison that would make a glutton blush.

Fears of MSTR’s Bitcoin “stash” being auctioned off flared after CEO Phong Le hinted at selling as a “last resort” if shares dipped below BTC’s value. One imagines Le scribbling this in a memo while sipping lukewarm coffee, muttering, “It’s justifiable, really.”

Yet, Hougan, with the solemnity of a man explaining why he’s late for tea, assured readers that MSTR’s finances are “leeway-laden.” Bitcoin, currently trading at $92k, is “24% above purchase price,” he noted, as if this were a personal victory. “We’ve got $1.4 billion in cash,” he added, “enough to cover interest payments for 18 months. Tea for two, perhaps?”

The company’s 30-day slide of 24.69% has been blamed on MSCI’s potential delisting-a move that would send index funds fleeing like startled gazelles. Yet Hougan dismissed this, citing history: when MSTR joined the Nasdaq-100, funds bought $2.1 billion worth of shares “and the price barely moved.” A sentiment as thrilling as a nap.

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2025-12-05 05:51