Molière’s Guide to Wall Street: Anchorage Dons STRC Cape Amid Short-Sellers’ Joust!

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Anchorage Digital, that most enterprising of financial jesters, now wields the STRC scepter while Strategy, Wall Street’s newest court jester, dances perilously close to the guillotine of short-sellers.

Ah, Anchorage Digital, that most enterprising of financial jesters, now wields the STRC scepter-Strategy’s perpetual preferred security-on its balance sheet, as if to say, “Behold! We shall outwit the skeptics!” Yet lo, Strategy has become Wall Street’s favorite punching bag, a veritable piñata of shorted shares.

This grand maneuver coincides with Strategy’s relentless pursuit of Bitcoin hoarding, even as institutional brigands sharpen their knives, betting on the firm’s inevitable tumble. A most curious ballet of greed and folly!

Anchorage Announces STRC Acquisition with the Flourish of a Courtier

Anchorage now holds STRC, that Nasdaq-listed perpetual preferred security issued by Strategy, as if it were the latest fashion accessory for a crypto baron. The co-founder and CEO, Nathan McCauley, declared this triumph on X with the gravitas of a Shakespearean king:

“Conviction compounds!” he cries, as if alchemy had returned to Wall Street.

“Institutions don’t merely chatter about Bitcoin; they structure their very existence around it,” he proclaims, as though this were the discovery of fire.

“Today, we announce our acquisition of STRC on our balance sheet,” he boasts, while Strategy’s Bitcoin infrastructure simmers in the background like a pot of soup destined for the stock market.

– Nathan McCauley ⚓ (@nathanmccauley)

STRC, with its 11.25% annual dividend paid monthly, is the financial equivalent of a gilded goose laying golden eggs. The capital raised from this instrument, one suspects, will fund more Bitcoin purchases-because nothing says “long-term strategy” like doubling down on a volatile asset.

Anchorage, ever the enigma, declines to reveal the size or timing of the acquisition, as though such details were too sacred to disclose. Yet they insist this move is a “long-term commitment to digital asset infrastructure,” a phrase as vague as a cloud yet as binding as a royal decree.

Strategy, for its part, continues to issue securities like a printer churning out playbills, all to swell its Bitcoin reserves. The firm recently added 592 Bitcoin ($39.8 million) to its treasury, a sum that would make a king blush-were kings not already obsolete.

Strategy, Wall Street’s Latest Villain in a Farce

Per Goldman Sachs, Strategy now reigns as Wall Street’s most-shorted large-cap stock, a title it earned not through wit, but through the sheer audacity of its Bitcoin obsession. A year ago, it was merely a footnote; today, it is the star of this tragicomedy, its share price drooping like a wilted rose.

Short sellers, those modern-day villains, borrow shares and sell them with the hope of repurchasing them at lower prices-a game of “let’s see who collapses first.” And Strategy, with its leveraged structure and Bitcoin exposure, is as volatile as a lit fuse in a fireworks factory.

The company holds 717,722 Bitcoin, valued at $46.68 billion-a treasure trove that would make Scrooge McDuck weep. Yet with an average acquisition cost of $76,020 per coin, and Bitcoin languishing near $66,000, Strategy carries an estimated $7 billion unrealized loss. A most expensive hobby, this Bitcoin obsession!

Still, the firm remains steadfast in its strategy, like a knight charging a dragon with a spoon. “Long-term accumulation,” they call it, as though time itself will bend to their will.

Related Reading: MicroStrategy’s Descent into the Depths of Short-Seller Hell

A Debt-to-Equity Masquerade and the Eternal Hope of Bitcoin

Michael Saylor, Strategy’s founder, has announced plans to convert $6 billion in convertible bonds into equity. A clever trick, this-one swaps debt for shares, reducing leverage like a magician pulling a rabbit from a hat. But is it sleight of hand or salvation?

This alchemy of finance aims to restructure the balance sheet as Strategy continues its Bitcoin binge. The firm claims its holdings could survive a market downturn so catastrophic that Bitcoin would need to plummet to $8,000-about the price of a decent bottle of wine in 1673. One might call this optimism; others might call it delusion.

Strategy insists its treasury structure is “positioned for long-term operations,” a statement as reassuring as a jester’s grin. After all, what is a balance sheet but a ledger of hopes, fears, and the occasional rogue Bitcoin?

“Strategy can withstand a drawdown in Bitcoin’s price to $8K and still have sufficient assets to fully cover our debt,” they declare, as if fate itself will bow to their spreadsheets.

– Strategy (@Strategy)

Institutions, ever the spectators, watch this farce unfold. Anchorage, the latest to don the STRC cape, joins the fray as short-sellers circle like vultures. One wonders: will Strategy’s Bitcoin gamble pay off, or will it be the next casualty in Wall Street’s eternal quest for a punchline?

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2026-02-25 15:34