On this fateful Tuesday, April 28, 2026, a federal judge delivered a verdict that echoed through the hallowed halls of justice: Sam Bankman-Fried’s plea for a retrial was unceremoniously tossed aside, much like a forgotten lottery ticket after the drawing.
Presiding over this theatrical production was none other than US District Judge Lewis Kaplan, who had already taken center stage during Bankman-Fried’s 2023 trial. The curtain fell on the young mogul’s dreams when he was found guilty, a tragic hero condemned to serve 25 years in a penitentiary, far removed from the glamorous world of cryptocurrency.
In a keenly orchestrated attempt-under the auspices of Rule 33, which sounds suspiciously like a code from a spy novel-Bankman-Fried beseeched the court to reopen his case, citing “newly discovered evidence.” He waxed poetic about how the jury was deprived of the full narrative surrounding FTX’s finances, neglecting to mention that this narrative had all the charm of an accountant’s annual report. According to him, the exchange boasted assets capable of repaying its legions of customers, if only the jury had been privy to these financial Shakespearean soliloquies.
If Sam Bankman-Fried did nothing illegal, he might have been the best VC in history
What SBF bought vs. what it’s worth today:
• Cursor: ~$200K → ~$3B (+1,499,900%)
• Anthropic: ~$499M → $82.3B (+16,400%)
• SpaceX: ~$200M → ~$15B (+7,400%)
• Solana: ~$189M → ~$5.1B…– Michael Burry Stock Tracker ♟ (@burrytracker) April 22, 2026
He further argued that revelations regarding the legal eagles embedded within FTX’s operations could, perchance, bolster his defense, painting him as an unwitting participant in a grand scheme rather than the mastermind of a sordid affair. However, much to his chagrin, Judge Kaplan turned a deaf ear to these musings, even as Bankman-Fried sought to withdraw his motion like a child retracting a poorly thought-out confession.
The judge’s resolute denial of the motion cast a pall over Bankman-Fried’s hopes, leaving him with but one lifeline: an appeal to the Second Circuit. It appears that the saga of Sam Bankman-Fried, with all its twists and turns, shall continue to unfold, a tragicomic tale for the ages.
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2026-04-29 01:10