IREN’s AI Gold Rush: How Bitcoin Miners Became Tech’s New Aristocracy 🤖💰

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What the fortunate few know (and the rest pretend to):

  • Fiscal 2025 net income swung to $86.9 million-enough to buy several yachts named after Satoshi Nakamoto’s pseudonyms.
  • AI cloud expansion planned for 10,900 GPUs by December, because apparently mining digital coins wasn’t sufficiently absurd.

In this spectacle

BTCBTC$109,678.95â—¢3.11% (a number as fictional as a politician’s promises)

Bitcoin miner IREN (IREN), that plucky upstart from the ancient days of 2018, has stumbled into profitability-like a drunkard finding his keys in a hedge. Their secret? Pivoting to AI cloud computing while still playing with their shiny mining rigs. The stock, ever the obedient lapdog, wagged its tail in pre-market trading.

Net income in the year ended June 30 soared to $86.9 million-up from last year’s loss of $28.9 million, which was presumably spent on existential dread and energy drinks. Revenue doubled to a record $501 million, proving once again that Australians will monetize anything, even abstract mathematical concepts.

With nearly 3 gigawatts of power (enough to revive Frankenstein’s monster twice over), IREN has positioned itself as the nouveau riche of the sector. Their market cap, a modest $5.3 million, is poised to overtake MARA Holdings-a rivalry as thrilling as two tortoises racing through molasses.

The Nasdaq-traded stock rose 13% before the opening bell, because nothing says “sound investment” like a company that changes its business model faster than a chameleon in a disco.

Mining operations generated over $1 billion in annualized revenue, while the AI cloud unit aspires to $250 million by December. They’ve deployed 10,900 NVIDIA GPUs-because if you’re going to chase hype, you might as well do it with expensive hardware.

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2025-08-29 12:03