Fed Tries to Attract Crypto Firms with ‘Skinny Master Account’ – Will It Work? 🤔💸

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Ladies and gentlemen, prepare your clipboards and existential dread! The US Federal Reserve is throwing open the gates to its vaults (metaphorically, of course) with a new “skinny master account” for crypto firms. Because nothing says “innovation” like letting fintechs play with central bank toys without the usual red tape. 🎉

“These new payment accounts will support innovation while keeping the system safe,” said Fed Governor Christopher Waller, who clearly hasn’t seen a spreadsheet in decades. October brought his suggestion to let the Fed “explore” these accounts, because nothing says “urgent” like a bureaucratic game of hot potato. 🕺

Waller added the Fed is introducing this feature to reflect the “rapid developments” in payments-like how the wheel was invented in 2023. He claimed it’s for “innovative approaches to banking,” which is code for “we’re trying not to look irrelevant.” 🤡

“This tailoring could result in lower risk to the payment system and, as a result, requests for payment accounts could generally receive a streamlined review.” Translation: We’ll pretend we’re efficient until someone asks for a timeline. ⏳

Not everyone’s clapping, though. Governor Michael Barr warned this could be a “money laundering free-for-all” if safeguards aren’t “clearly defined.” Because nothing says “safety” like trusting crypto firms not to accidentally fund a rogue llama farm. 🦙

Crypto giants like Circle, Coinbase, Kraken, and Block, Inc. might soon be joining the Fed’s “banking train,” because nothing bridges gaps like a shared love of regulatory ambiguity.

Inclusion in the Fed’s system would be a 180 for crypto, which last year accused the Biden admin of trying to “choke” them with banking bans. Now they’re back, and the Fed’s playing host! 🎬

Waller noted the Fed is already toying with blockchain tech to “modernize” payments. Because what the world needs is more code and fewer napkins. 🖥️

Crypto Wouldn’t Get the Same Privileges (Shocker!)

These new accounts won’t earn interest, get Fed credit, or have balance caps so low, even a financial vampire would blush. So skimpy, they’re basically financial pajamas. 👖

The comment period closes in 45 days, and Waller hopes the feature will be live by Q4 2026. Because nothing says “agility” like a 16-month rollout. 🚀

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2025-12-22 06:43