Fed Chair Powell in Hot Water Over Rates & Trump’s Temper Tantrums đŸ˜€đŸŠ

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It appears that Jerome Powell, the beleaguered chap at the helm of the Federal Reserve, has found himself in a spot of bother-something about a criminal investigation that smells fishier than a week-old haddock at a seaside tea party. Our hero, Powell, insists this is all because he refused to let the President play puppet master with interest rates-a stance as bold as a butler refusing to iron the morning paper.

This kerfuffle arrives just as Powell’s tenure is winding down like a grandfather clock in need of winding, with tensions between him and President Donald Trump reaching levels usually reserved for toddlers denied a second pudding.

The Great Rate Standoff: Powell vs. The Orange Tornado đŸŒȘ

In a video that had all the drama of a West End play (but with fewer musical numbers), Powell revealed that the Department of Justice had lobbed grand jury subpoenas at the Fed like a cricket bowler with a grudge. The alleged crime? Something about a $2.5 billion renovation of the Fed’s headquarters-a sum that could probably buy enough tea to drown the entire British Empire.

Video message from Federal Reserve Chair Jerome H. Powell:

– Federal Reserve (@federalreserve) January 12, 2026

Powell, ever the diplomat, called the move “unprecedented,” which is bureaucrat-speak for “utterly bonkers.” He hinted that this was merely the latest salvo in an ongoing campaign of pressure from the administration-a campaign as subtle as a bull in a china shop wearing tap shoes.

The Fed chair maintained that Congress had been kept in the loop about the renovation, suggesting the probe was less about construction and more about retaliation. “This isn’t about drywall,” Powell might as well have said. “It’s about who gets to play with the economy’s levers-the experts or the guy who thinks ‘quantitative easing’ is a spa treatment.”

“The threat of criminal charges is what happens when you dare to set interest rates based on facts instead of presidential whims,” Powell declared, with the air of a man who’s just realized he’s accidentally sat on a whoopee cushion at a state dinner. “Will monetary policy be dictated by data or by tantrums? That, my friends, is the question.”

The Fed had trimmed rates thrice in late 2025, landing them somewhere between “moderately painful” and “why did I buy that adjustable-rate mortgage?” By December, they’d also abandoned quantitative tightening-a phrase that sounds like it should involve a corset.

Trump’s Denial: “I Know Nothing! (Except That Powell Stinks)” đŸ€·â€â™‚ïž

Since reclaiming the Oval Office in 2025, Trump has treated Powell like a disappointing soufflé-constantly berating him for not cutting rates fast enough and muttering about firing him over dessert.

Yet, when asked about the DOJ probe, Trump played the ignorance card with the finesse of a man who’s just been caught with his hand in the cookie jar. “Never heard of it,” he claimed, before adding, “But he’s terrible at his job and probably worse at interior design.”

“No, I wouldn’t pressure him like that. The only pressure he needs is knowing he’s keeping rates too high,” Trump clarified, as if subtlety were a spice he’d never encountered.

With Powell’s term expiring in 2026, Trump is reportedly narrowing down his shortlist for the next Fed chair. The leading candidates? Four gents who presumably promise to keep rates lower than a limbo dancer with a spinal condition.

Kevin Hassett, Trump’s longtime economic whisperer, is rumored to be the frontrunner-a man who likely believes “low rates” are both a monetary policy and a lifestyle choice.

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2026-01-12 11:09