Elon’s Rockets Are Rich, But His Bitcoins Are Having a Midlife Crisis

by

Markets

What to know (or what to laugh at, depending on your mood):

  • SpaceX is allegedly prepping a top-secret IPO filing, because nothing says “transparent” like a confidential document. Aiming for a June listing, they’re gunning for a $1.75 trillion valuation-because why not? It’s not like we’re running out of zeros.
  • Tucked away in their digital sock drawer: 8,285 bitcoins, now worth a mere $545 million. Down from $780 million. Oops? Someone forgot to set a stop loss.
  • SpaceX’s S-1 filing will be a rollercoaster of crypto-induced drama, just like Tesla’s. Because who doesn’t love a good financial soap opera?

For years, SpaceX has held onto bitcoin like a toddler clutching a security blanket, never bothering to explain why. But now, thanks to their impending IPO, they’ll have to air their crypto laundry for all to see. Cue the popcorn.

Bloomberg dropped the news late Friday (because nothing says “weekend vibes” like financial filings) that Elon Musk’s space-faring, satellite-slinging company is eyeing a March IPO filing. June listing? Check. $1.75 trillion valuation? Check. Raising $50 billion? Double check. Saudi Aramco, eat your heart out.

But buried in this galactic goldmine is a little detail: 8,285 bitcoins. Because what’s a rocket company without a side hustle in volatile currency?

Arkham Intelligence (yes, that’s a real thing) reveals SpaceX’s bitcoins are chilling in 43 Coinbase Prime addresses, worth $544.8 million as of Saturday. Stable? Sure, if you consider a $235 million drop in three months “stable.”

Back in December, when bitcoin was flirting with $92,500, SpaceX’s stash was worth $780 million. Fast forward to February, post-SpaceX-xAI merger, and it’s down to $650 million. Now? $545 million. Someone needs to check if their bitcoins are okay.

This means SpaceX’s S-1 filing will be a masterclass in paper losses. Quarterly earnings? More like quarterly nail-biting. Thanks, bitcoin.

The Tesla Déjà Vu

Tesla’s crypto saga is the closest thing we have to a precedent, and it’s about as reassuring as a dentist with shaky hands. Musk’s car company has booked hundreds of millions in paper losses, creating headlines that overshadow everything else. SpaceX, meet your future.

Except, oops, their first disclosure is during one of bitcoin’s steepest nosedives. Timing, folks. It’s everything.

But let’s be real: Tesla raked in $94.8 billion in revenue and $17 billion in gross profit in 2025. A few million in bitcoin losses? Barely a blip on Elon’s radar.

SpaceX’s BTC portfolio has been on a wild ride-peaking at $2 billion in 2021, crashing in 2022, and now yo-yoing between $400 million and $800 million. Yet, they’ve held on like a stubborn mule. Unlike Tesla, no buying, no selling. Just… holding. Admirable? Or just lazy?

Read More

2026-03-01 16:18