Crypto Thieves in Suits

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It’s not just the Vogons who are trying to steal all our money. The US Treasury has just sanctioned a bunch of North Korean tech workers who were trying to infiltrate crypto companies and make off with all the digital dosh. Because, you know, that’s exactly what the world needs – more crypto thieves 🤑.

The Treasury’s Office of Foreign Assets Control (OFAC) – which sounds like a made-up thing, but apparently isn’t – has fingered two individuals and four entities as being part of a North Korea-run IT worker ring. One of them, a chap named Song Kum Hyok, allegedly stole US citizens’ info to use as aliases. Because who needs their own identity when you can just nick someone else’s? 🤣

And then there’s Gayk Asatryan, a Russian national who’s accused of using his companies to employ dozens of North Korean IT workers. We’re not sure what’s more surprising – that he managed to find dozens of North Korean IT workers, or that he thought no one would notice 🤔.

It turns out that North Korea has been expanding its infiltration operations, because who needs actual skills when you can just fake it? 🤪 An April report from Google found that the infrastructure for these schemes has spread worldwide, because of course it has. It’s like a digital game of “whack-a-mole” – every time you think you’ve squashed one, another one pops up 🎮.

“Treasury remains committed to using all available tools to disrupt the Kim regime’s efforts to circumvent sanctions through its digital asset theft, attempted impersonation of Americans, and malicious cyber-attacks,” said Treasury Deputy Secretary Michael Faulkender, in a statement that’s almost as exciting as a Vogon poetry reading 😴.

The Great North Korean IT Worker Heist

It turns out that North Korea has a thousands-strong workforce of highly skilled IT workers, which is just a nice way of saying “thousands of people who are really good at stealing your money” 💸. They’re mainly targeting employers in wealthier countries, because who needs ethics when you can just go for the cash? 🤑

The sanctions mean that all US assets connected to Asatryan, Song, and the four Russian entities are frozen, which is just a nice way of saying “you’re not getting your hands on our cash, mate” 😂. It’s also now illegal for people in the US to conduct any financial transactions or have business dealings with them, which is just a nice way of saying “don’t even think about it, or we’ll send the Vogons after you” 😱.

North Korea’s New Tactic: Infiltration

North Korea has been notorious for its high-profile hacks, but it seems they’re shifting tactics. Because who needs to hack into a system when you can just infiltrate it from the inside? 🤫 Blockchain intelligence firm TRM Labs said that they’re starting to shift towards deception-based revenue generation, which is just a nice way of saying “they’re getting sneakier” 😏.

“While exchange breaches remain significant, DPRK-linked operations are increasingly shifting toward deception-based revenue generation, including IT worker infiltration,” the firm said, in a statement that’s almost as thrilling as a Pan-Galactic Gargle Blaster 🍹.

TRM Labs estimates that North Korea-aligned bad actors are responsible for $1.6 billion of the $2.1 billion stolen across 75 crypto hacks and exploits in the first half of 2025, which is just a nice way of saying “they’re really good at stealing your money” 💸.

The US Cracks Down

US authorities have been cracking down on fraudulent North Korean IT worker schemes, because who needs fake IT workers when you can have real ones? 🤓 On June 30, four North Korean nationals were charged with wire fraud and money laundering after posing as remote workers at US and Serbian blockchain companies. And on June 5, the US Department of Justice said it was trying to seize $7.74 million in frozen crypto allegedly earned by North Korean IT workers using fake identities and working at blockchain firms as remote contractors. Because who needs a real identity when you can just fake it? 🤣

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2025-07-09 05:38