What ho, old sport! 🕶️ Another day, another crypto rollercoaster, and I say, it’s enough to make a chap’s head spin like a well-oiled top. The markets, my dear reader, are in a bit of a pickle, and I’m here to guide you through the mayhem with a dash of Wodehousian wit and a sprinkle of emoji magic. 🌪️
The Crypto Caper: Asian Hours Recap
Bitcoin, that old rascal, couldn’t keep its nose above the $91,000 mark this morning, taking a tumble toward $90,800. The traders in Asia, poor chaps, woke up to a market as heavy as Aunt Agatha after a third helping of trifle. Ethereum slipped below $3,000, Solana loitered near $130, and even Litecoin couldn’t escape the sell-off. It was all rather gloomy, like a Monday morning without tea. ☕
The Crypto Fear & Greed Index dropped to 16-Extreme Fear, you know. Retail sentiment is shakier than a butler balancing a tray of champagne flutes. 🥂
Meanwhile, in the land of winners and losers:
- Top Gainer: Starknet (STRK) ➝ up 20% 🎉
- Top Loser: Internet Computer (ICP) ➝ down 13% 😢
ETF Shenanigans: What the Institutions Were Up To
Ah, the ETFs-always good for a bit of drama. Here’s the lowdown:
- Bitcoin spot ETFs: $373M net outflow (five days of withdrawals-someone’s been raiding the cookie jar). 🍪
- Ethereum spot ETFs: $74.22M net outflow (six days of decline-poor old ETH can’t catch a break). 😔
- Solana spot ETFs: $30.09M net inflow (thanks to Fidelity and Canary-SOL’s the belle of the ball). 💃
Solana’s the only one attracting fresh cash, while BTC and ETH are left sipping their sorrows. 🍷
Top Crypto Headlines: A Wodehousian Rundown
Now, let’s dive into the day’s most riveting tales, shall we? 📰
1. Malaysia’s Crypto Miners: A $1.1 Billion Power Grab
Between 2020 and 2025, Malaysia’s crypto miners pilfered $1.1 billion in electricity, bypassing meters like a rogue at a garden party. Authorities uncovered 13,827 mining sites-a proper scandal! 🇲🇾⚡
2. Michael Saylor: The Unsinkable Bitcoin Bull
Old Saylor, the MicroStrategy chap, claims they can weather an 80-90% Bitcoin crash. “Volatility’s dropping,” he says, as cool as a cucumber at a cricket match. 🥒
3. Solana ETFs Shine, BTC & ETH ETFs Whine
Bitcoin and Ethereum ETFs are bleeding like a stuck pig, while Solana’s ETFs pulled in $30M. Institutional demand, eh? SOL’s having its moment in the sun. ☀️
4. New Hampshire’s Bitcoin Bond: A $100M Crypto Gamble
New Hampshire’s approved a $100M Bitcoin-backed bond-a first in the U.S. The proceeds will fund a Bitcoin Economic Development Fund. Bold move, Cotton. Let’s see if it pays off. 💼
5. Kraken’s $200M Windfall from Citadel Securities
Kraken’s bagged $200M from Citadel, valuing the exchange at $20 billion. With nearly $800M raised this year, they’re gearing up for a 2025 IPO. Kraken’s on a roll! 🐙
6. Trump’s Crypto Firm Under the Microscope
Senators Warren and Reed are probing WLFI, a crypto firm linked to the Trump family. Allegedly, token purchases involve addresses tied to Russia and North Korea. Shady business, indeed. 🕵️♂️
7. Senate’s Crypto Bill: America’s Bid for Crypto Capital
Senate Banking Chair Tim Scott wants a crypto market structure bill on Trump’s desk by next year. America’s aiming to be the “crypto capital of the world.” Ambitious, old chap! 🇺🇸
8. U.S. Bitcoin Reserve: Waiting for the Starting Gun
Entrepreneur Mike Alfred reckons the U.S. will join the Bitcoin reserve race only when “external pressure rises.” For now, they’re playing the waiting game. ⏳
9. FED’s Emergency Meeting: Liquidity Rumors Abound
The Federal Reserve’s called an emergency meeting at 2 PM ET. Rumors of rate cuts or liquidity injections are swirling. Markets could react faster than Jeeves fetching my morning paper. 📰
10. Global Liquidity: $7 Trillion Higher Than Last BTC Peak
Analysts note global liquidity (M2) is $7 trillion higher than when Bitcoin last hit $90K. Sentiment’s the issue, not liquidity. It’s all in the mind, you see. 🧠
11. Social Volume: BTC, SOL, and the Gang Dominate
Bitcoin’s leading the social media chatter, followed by Solana, Tether, Chainlink, XRP, and 1inch. Everyone’s gabbing about ETFs, whales, and treasury moves. Quite the buzz! 🐝
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2025-11-19 17:27