Cosmic Coin Clash: Senate Stalls, CEO Gambles on Galactic Regulation

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The long-anticipated CLARITY Act, a legislative marvel so intricate it could make a hyper-intelligent pan-dimensional being yawn, remains wedged in the US Senate like a cosmic traffic jam. Coinbase CEO Brian Armstrong, however, insists the universe will eventually deliver a “win-win” outcome, presumably because it enjoys toying with human expectations.

Coinbase CEO’s Optimism: A Cosmic Coin Toss

Speaking on CNBC at the World Liberty Forum (a venue suspiciously close to Mar-a-Lago, which is perhaps just a fancy name for a time-traveling iguana’s vacation home), Armstrong declared lawmakers would eventually “deliver” a solution. He described this as a “win-win” for crypto, banks, and consumers-though it’s unclear if the latter two have been consulted or if they’re just collateral in this regulatory chess game.

“There is now a path forward,” he proclaimed, as if the universe hadn’t already demonstrated its fondness for obfuscation and confusion. The bill, he claimed, would bring “regulatory certainty”-a phrase so paradoxical it deserves its own episode of The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy.

After breezing through the House in July 2025 with a bipartisan vote (294-134, because democracy is just a numbers game), the bill was relegated to the Senate Banking Committee, where it has languished like a forgotten meme. Scheduled committee sessions in January 2026 were mysteriously canceled, possibly due to a buildup of existential dread or an overabundance of bureaucratic paperwork.

In late January, the Senate Agriculture Committee advanced a related measure, S. 3755, on a narrow party-line vote. This move did little to resolve the broader stalemate, which is now so entrenched it could qualify as a geological formation.

Senator Moreno’s Stablecoin Standoff

Stablecoin yield-whether issuers can offer rewards to holders-remains a sticking point. Senator Bernie Moreno, whose name suggests a mid-20th-century Italian-American soda jerk, has argued against such rewards. During the CNBC interview, he opined that unless you own a bank, you probably shouldn’t care. He also claimed consumers would benefit from “greater competition for deposits”-a statement so profoundly obvious it could only be true.

Moreno, ever the optimist, vowed the bill would pass “by April” and expressed confidence in overcoming the impasse. Meanwhile, Armstrong countered that stablecoin rewards are essential for building a competitive market, adding that “smartest banks” are partnering with Coinbase. He stressed that America thrives by adapting, not protecting incumbents-a philosophy that somehow led to the invention of the fax machine.

Armstrong also noted that some banks are already embracing crypto, forming alliances with Coinbase. He described this as “good for the banking industry,” which is perhaps the first time anyone has called a partnership with a crypto company a “win” for traditional finance.

As for the White House, it’s reportedly considering another meeting to address the stablecoin yield issue. If history is any guide, this will involve a lot of nodding, a few awkward pauses, and a final decision that no one understands.

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2026-02-19 14:32