Cryptonews

Now, don’t go thinkin’ this is your run-of-the-mill growth spurt. No sir, this here’s a full-blown structural awakening-like a hibernating bear finally decidin’ it’s time to stretch and yawn. Leon Waidmann, the big cheese at On-Chain Foundation and a market wizard, says the ETH mainnet’s utilization is higher than a kite in a hurricane. 🌪️ Could be the periphery folks movin’ back to the center, new apps causin’ a ruckus, or just plain ol’ trust comin’ back to roost.

BTC held firm above $90,000 over the weekend, as investors, ever the optimists, anticipated a relief rally. However, the week began with a major crash, driving the flagship cryptocurrency to a low of $85,732. BTC is down nearly 6% over the past 24 hours, trading around $85,984. Meanwhile, ETH has slipped below $3,000, down 5.50% and trading around $2,828. Ripple (XRP) is down nearly 8% as it struggles to stay above $2, while Solana (SOL) is down over 7%, trading around $126. Cardano (ADA) is down almost 8% and Chainlink (LINK) is down 7% at $12.09. Stellar (XLM), Hedera (HBAR), Litecoin (LTC), Toncoin (TON), and Polkadot (DOT) have also started the week in the red. What a merry band of losers! 🐍

When a long-term Bitcoin accumulator starts flashing ‘green dots,’ it’s not just a trade-it’s a dramatic monologue about shifting loyalties. 🎭

But wait, there’s more! The network’s health is as robust as ever-payments and transactions are thriving, steady as grandma’s knitting, even when the market is throwing a tantrum. And yet, the price is sulking-descending like a moody teenager at school. The rejection after failing to leap over the big, bad resistance is like trying to jump over a flaming pit, only to fall in and get a little singed. The red candles are flickering like a neon sign in a seedy neighborhood-welcome to the crypto thriller! 🌟🔥

Crypto exchange-traded products (ETPs), those modern alchemists’ chimeras, siphoned $1.07 billion last week, their first breath of profit since late October, according to CoinShares, Europe’s beleaguered crypto oracle. One might imagine the firm’s analysts clutching their crystal balls with the fervor of soothsayers deciphering the tea leaves of the Federal Reserve. ☯️

Billy Markus, the wise-cracking creator of Dogecoin, took to X like a comedian roasting a heckler: “Oh please, when crypto tanks, it’s ALWAYS the ‘whales’ manipulating the market. Next you’ll tell me the moon is made of blue cheese! 🐶🧀” He’s got a point. Why blame shadowy billionaires when the real villain could be… basic economics? (Gasps!)

On a cold November day in 2025, the People’s Bank of China gathered its allies in a shadowy conference room, where whispers of Bitcoin and stablecoins echoed like forbidden hymns. The meeting, a grand spectacle of red tape and stern faces, aimed to crush the resurgence of crypto speculation, a trend as fleeting as a desert mirage.

Lo and behold! BTC attempted to breach the sacred $92,000-$93,000 gates, only to be repelled like a suitor rejected at a Parisian ball. Colin Talks Crypto, our modern-day soothsayer, declared with the gravity of a tragedian: “BTC rejects from underside of megaphone in first attempt. This is not strong momentum.” Ah, the megaphone! That instrument of chaos and confusion. One wonders if it was tuned by a deaf monk. 🔊

Bitcoin remains the darling of long-term holders, yet its base layer, like an old steam engine, wheezes through transactions at 7 TPS. Meanwhile, Ethereum and Solana sprint ahead, leaving $BTC to sip tea and ponder why it’s still stuck in the 19th century. 🚂

Lee’s crystal ball-likely purchased from the same shop that sells “I told you so” mugs-points to U.S. monetary policy as the savior. After three years of tighter conditions than my jeans after Thanksgiving, he thinks liquidity will finally improve. Because nothing says “bull market” like a new Fed chair and the collective sigh of traders who’ve been holding their breath since 2023.