Cryptonews

He paints a charming portrait of a cultural revolution that’s finally shaken off its kooky roots-like Uncle Ned’s questionable tie collection-and turned into a social consensus that Bitcoin isn’t some passing fad but a genuine *something.* This, he argues, is thanks to the charming conversion of bigwigs like Larry Fink, who’s now practically giving Bitcoin the once-over on every screen from Manhattan to Mogadishu. Imagine that-a skeptic turned evangelist, waving the banner of digital gold like it’s the new black. 💼✨

This new tool, nestled within the Addressable dashboard, is a detective with a magnifying glass and a ledger, sifting through onchain and offchain activity like a prospector panning for gold. It tracks aggregated wallet balances across seven blockchains, monitors identified wallets, and retargets users with ads on crypto-aware platforms, because who needs subtlety when you can just follow people around? 😂

The crypto market has been in an uptick over the past 24 hours, with several assets posting fresh double and triple-digit gains. But which altcoins are leading the charge? Let’s dive in and see what the fuss is all about. 🌊

“Everything is trending to zero against #Bitcoin. Don’t ever forget that,” Samson Mow, the high priest of cryptocurrency, declared. Because what could possibly go wrong?

This tempest followed an announcement so grand that it might have inspired Shakespeare himself-if only he had been into blockchain. The reaction was akin to a kid seeing free candy-pure, unadulterated joy, or perhaps just the usual frenzy to get in on the latest craze.

In a recent tweet-yes, the modern-day oracle of truth-CoinMarketCap declared there exists no coin, no token, nor any semblance of monetary mirage ever woven by their illustrious hands. So, should your discerning eye catch a hint-perhaps an ad ever-so-prominent, glowing with hues of dubiousness-know this: it is but a siren’s call to the rocks of gullibility! 🧜‍♂️

The amount of people betting on big price swings (ETH options open interest) is now at $13.75 billion. Near the record. Which basically means a lot of people are preparing for…something. Volatility, probably. It’s always volatility. Like expecting a pleasant surprise from a vending machine. You *hope* for chocolate, but you’re mostly preparing for disappointment and a slightly bent packet of crisps.

But hold onto your digital wallets, because the celebration was short-lived. Just when everyone thought the coast was clear, the market got a case of the jitters-like that friend who starts crying at a brunch toast-and the price slowed right down. Now, some fancy crypto analyst with big dreams (probably from a guy named HAMED_AZ, who sounds like a superhero sidekick) says XRP might take a nosedive back towards the $2.9 support level, like a roller coaster losing steam at the top of the hill.

It has become as routine as a bad Oscar Wilde pun to hear of yet another public company adopting the Bitcoin treasury strategy. Some, ever so daring, sprinkle in Ethereum or other tokens like confetti at a carnival. As one who has navigated the digital assets sphere for years, I ought to be clapping like a seal at a circus. Instead, I find myself pondering: Is this rational? Sustainable? Or merely a masquerade of financial prudence? 🎭💭

A public company embracing memecoins? How utterly divine! Safety Shot, ever the enfant terrible of the corporate world, has done the unthinkable, acquiring $25 million worth of Bonk [BONK]! One can only imagine the boardroom whispers: “Memecoins? But darling, they’re so *last* internet fad!”