Cryptonews

On a Tuesday (because of course), Aster DEX decided to play tech bro and integrate Brevis, a zero-knowledge platform that sounds like a name from a spy movie. The goal? To turbocharge trading speeds while keeping privacy so tight, even your grandma wouldn’t recognize your transaction history. And yes, they’re tackling the age-old problem of making decentralized exchanges as fast as centralized ones without sacrificing the “decentralized” part-like trying to make a toaster cook a soufflé. 🥚

He has predicted that a massive bull run is going to take place next year. 🦄

This comes just days after regulators hinted they might force exchanges to play by “bank-level” rules. Because nothing says “trust us” like making banks and crypto exchanges share the same standards. Groundbreaking. 🚀

GameStop (GME) was all gung-ho about its Bitcoin strategy-stashing away a neat $519.4 million worth of the digital currency by the end of Q3 (Nov. 1). And, surprise, surprise, they racked up a $9.2 million loss due to Bitcoin’s catastrophic dip. #NotGreatBob

So here’s the tea: Democrats, in a move that could make even the most seasoned political observers gasp, are now secretly (yes, secretly!) reviewing a compromise draft of the Crypto Market Structure Bill. And let’s be real, it’s all thanks to our friends over at the Republicans. 🐘

“$1.0M in 2026,” he typed, probably while sipping a latte made from Ethereum tears. This was in response to Jordi Visser, who claims the stock market is whispering sweet nothings about a BTC rally. Visser’s analysis? Pure Vol (Beta) vs. Pure Profitability (Quality) is doing the tango, and Bitcoin is trying to keep up. 💃

Here’s the rub: most staking infrastructure still clings to shared cloud services, those Web 2.0 relics designed for mobile games, not the high-stakes world of institutional finance. Cloud services are fine for a weather app, but when a single minute of outage costs millions, one might as well play chess with a tornado. 🌪️

Centralized exchanges (CEXs) operate like traditional banks, with all the charm of a well-dressed con artist. 🕵️‍♂️ They’re fast, user-friendly, and liquid, but that convenience comes at a cost: limited transparency, custodial risk, and reliance on a central authority. 💸

A fresh report from Bybit and DL Research now officially crowns Singapore as the crypto king in 2025. They checked out how 79 countries are doing in the crypto game-think of it like the Olympics but with less sweat and more blockchain.

Partnering with Kaio, a maestro of digital alchemy, Mubadala seeks to transmute the leaden chains of high investment minimums and multiyear commitments into the golden promise of accessibility. Yet, let us not be naive. This is no act of altruism, but a calculated stride into the future, where even the mighty must bow to the altar of innovation. 💼➡️🚀