Cryptonews

According to the ever-reliable (read: slightly unpredictable) Bloomberg, Trump has sent what might be the most exciting Senate mail since the discovery of the internet-nominating Selig for a role that sounds like a cross between a spaceship captain and a digital wizard. Currently, he’s the Chief Counsel of the Crypto Task Force-because nothing says “trustworthy” like a title with “Crypto” and “Task Force” in the same sentence. Before this, he was the senior advisor to a guy who probably spends more time analyzing charts than reading bedtime stories-Paul S. Atkins of the SEC. Oh, and did I mention? Selig used to partner at Willkie Farr & Gallagher, where he specialized in turning legal mumbo jumbo into something resembling valid advice for crypto fans. 🧙‍♂️🔮

On October 24, a clever bunch of digital swamp dwellers (a blockchain analytics platform, for those of you less into cartoonish metaphors) reported that wallets with between 100 and 10,000 ETH were adding more than 218,000 ETH to their treasure chests. That’s worth over $870 million-yes, enough to buy a small island, or at least a really fancy yacht or two.

Institutional adoption might be giving Bitcoin a facelift, extending its cycle like a Hollywood star avoiding retirement. 🎭✨

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But fear not! The on-chain data, that mysterious ancient text, hints at a brighter future. It’s like a cryptic message from the Librarian of the Unseen University, saying, “The bull run is merely napping in the corner, waiting to pounce.” 🐾

On that fateful day of October 24th, President Donald Trump waved his wand and selected Matthew Selig to helm the CFTC, as per a report from that eternally gossiping oracle, Bloomberg. Ah, but is it Matthew or Michael? Who knows in this fog of names, perhaps it’s a clone or a shapeshifting imp. 😏

In the latest episode of CNBC’s “Closing Bell: Overtime,” Tom Lee, the head honcho at Bitmine Immersion Technologies (BMNR), Fundstrat Global Advisors, and the Chief Investment Officer of Fundstrat Capital (does he sleep?), shares his optimism for the year ahead. Buckle up, this could be a ride-both literal and figurative.

On the twenty-fourth of October, Ripple completed the acquisition of Hidden Road, a brokerage of some promise, and has, with a flourish, renamed it Ripple Prime. Rather bold, don’t you think? This establishes Ripple as the first crypto firm to command a global prime brokerage, offering institutions direct access to XRP, Ripple USD, and RLUSD for settlements and as collateral. Such ease of access! One can only imagine the possibilities… and the potential for a decidedly brisk trade across the more than 300,000 FX derivative markets. Truly, a daring scheme!

On Friday, Pump.fun made the rather predictable announcement that they’ve snapped up Padre, the multichain trading terminal. And yes, it was for an undisclosed amount-because who needs transparency when you’re this successful? As part of their grand mission to “tokenize the world’s highest-potential opportunities,” they decided Padre was an obvious choice. After all, terminals like Padre have been “capturing most trading volumes in the ecosystem” for a year. How could they resist?

Currently, it’s at $2.49, having bounced off a low of $2.32. A decent little hop, sure, but don’t go popping champagne just yet. This move happened deep inside the lower half of the Bollinger Bands, which is about as comforting as finding a rat in your soup. 😬