Cryptonews

The Facts, as they are known

Où donc résident ces forces mystérieuses qui poussent ce phénomène ?

The 24h volatility? A modest 6.0%, as if mocking the idea of chaos. Market cap: $8.93 billion, a number so grand it makes peasants weep. And the 24h volume? $692.35 million-enough to fund a thousand tea parties for oligarchs.

According to some crypto guru named Maartunn (I mean, really, who names their kid that?), the American trading session is where Bitcoin suddenly decided to throw a rager this month. Check out the chart he posted on X. I don’t know about you, but I love a good pie chart, especially when it’s about money! 🍰

At the SEC’s Crypto Task Force roundtable, Chairman Paul S. Atkins waxed lyrical about public blockchains, calling them “more transparent than a politician’s tax returns.” Every transaction, he noted, is etched in digital stone for all to see-though he warned this might soon mean the government knows you bought a virtual goat. 🐐

On Monday, South Korean news media outlets affirmed that the legal troubles of Terraform Labs’ co-founder, Kwon Do-hyung, also known as Do Kwon, may not be over, despite recently being sentenced to over a decade in prison in the US. 😒

The Chicago-based derivatives emporium-where dreams go to either flourish or perish in a puff of leveraged smoke-claims this bold venture is all about catering to the insatiable hunger of traders. Because nothing says “financial innovation” like letting people bet on digital tokens named after obscure sci-fi references.

Newspaper headlines screamed, “Senate Banking Committee waves the white flag on marking up crypto bills in 2025, opting to secure a nice little slot in early 2026 calendars” after bipartisan powwows confirmed their resolute resolution not to resolve. 📆

Picture this: a Telegram message from someone who just happens to look like your crypto soulmate. 💌 “Hello, darling, your liquidity is showing-let’s hop on a Zoom call.” Charming! They appear on screen: crisp suit, confident stare, a hint of desperation in the eyes (a hallmark of the modern executive, really). Everything feels… official. Too official, perhaps. Like a Shakespearean tragedy directed by Elon Musk.