On Tuesday, Visa revealed it’s now letting US financial institutions settle transactions in USDC. Because who wouldn’t want to move money faster over blockchains, seven days a week, while somehow managing to keep the consumer experience “unchanged”? It’s like magic, but with more fees and less magic. ✨
Apparently, people who bought a lot of it a long time ago aren’t panicking. Which either means they’re incredibly prescient, or they have a really good poker face. Or maybe they’re just extremely stubborn. It’s hard to tell with these things.
The bank, in a gesture of apparent novelty, has deigned to bestow its favorable attention upon two digital asset treasuries connected to the protocol, signifying, it seems, a new willingness amongst those on Wall Street to assess the worth of this decentralized exchange infrastructure. One wonders if it is genuine interest, or merely a desire to be seen as au courant.
So, here’s the tea: U.S. lawmakers are sweating bullets as crypto capital and innovation threaten to ghost the country. Enter Senator Mike Crapo from Idaho (yes, potatoes and crypto!), who’s basically shouting, “We need to fix this now!” in his Dec. 15 column. 🗞️
The initiative, darling, is designed to shepherd banks, fintechs, and merchants-those poor, bewildered souls-through the labyrinth of stablecoins. Payments? Treasury operations? Business processes? Oh, the excitement! It’s like teaching your grandmother to twerk-necessary? Debatable. Entertaining? Absolutely.
“We want stablecoins to be good money, like bank notes or money on deposit at banks,” proclaimed Governor Tiff Macklem during a rather spirited gathering of the Montreal Chamber of Commerce on Tuesday. One can almost picture him atop a podium, delivering this proclamation with all the fervor of a Shakespearean actor. 🎭
Imagine this: a wallet that’s been chilling since the days of $0.40, suddenly deciding, “Hey, I’m gonna take this $721.5M and go buy a yacht. Or maybe just a cup of coffee. Who knows?” 🧠 The timing? Perfect. Like dropping a brick on a tightrope. 🪵
Across the vast plains of blockchain, networks are swapping their reactive hats for proactive ones. Solana’s just the latest cowboy to tip its hat to the quantum sunset. No panic, just planning. 🌅
Since the 21st of November, this autonomous AI agent-this digital jest-hath rallied 2,022%. A twenty-fold ascent in a month! In such dire market conditions, it is not merely remarkable-it is absurd, a farce played out in the ledger of the damned. 😈
Imagine, if you will, a world where quantum computers, those elusive beasts of computation, crack the sacred Elliptic Curve Digital Signature Algorithm (ECDSA). A villain, armed with such power, could pluck private keys from the ether and pilfer fortunes! But fear not, dear reader, for Saylor assures us that Bitcoin, ever the chameleon, will don its quantum-resistant cloak via a soft fork. Lamport signatures or lattice-based cryptography-take your pick!-shall be the shield against this digital apocalypse.
