According to Citi’s resident wizards of finance (Alex Saunders, Dirk Willer, and Vinh Vo), we can expect a surge in digital asset adoption thanks to U.S. legislation dropping in Q2, with Bitcoin meandering around the $80k-$90k range like a confused tourist in a foreign currency. 🧙♂️
This audacious stunt, executed during what the wise market sages call a “weak period,” has everyone questioning whether BMNR is PlayStation-level lucky or just pure genius-perhaps both, with a dash of mischief. The resilience of this company is so fierce, it might make even a cockroach consider a career change and become an investor.
Bitcoin, the so-called king of the digital realm, has risen by a glorious 0.11% in the past day. Truly, a revolution in the making. 🤑
“Volatility? Pah! We’re as bullish as a bull in a china shop!” declared the analysts, led by the ever-optimistic Peter Christiansen, in their Friday report. 📈🐂
Lo! The bill now journeys to the Senate, that hallowed chamber where wisdom and bewilderment dance a perpetual waltz. Should it emerge unscathed, Poland’s financial sentinel, the KNF, shall wield dominion over crypto realms, a power both divine and dread. Yet one wonders: is this harmony with MiCA, or merely a masquerade? 🎭
Ethereum developers have finally given a proper name to post-Glamsterdam 2026, calling it “Hegota.” The name is a combination of Execution-Layer Bogota and Consensus-Layer Heze, and it is expected to arrive shortly after Glamsterdam in 2026. Good luck pronouncing it-my cat does it better. 😼
📉 Bitcoin’s RSI: The “I Give Up” Button for Traders. Historically tied to rallies? Sure. A reliable indicator? As dependable as a screen door on a submarine. 🚪
In a world where social media is basically the new official government briefing (we’re not joking), Sacks tweeted from his secret lair that a markup-because what’s more exciting than a meeting with bipartisan promises?-is scheduled for January. Mark your calendars, or don’t, because all you really need to know is that these guys are planning to slap labels on different crypto goodies: digital commodities (go CFTC!), investment contracts (hello SEC!), and stablecoins that are probably less stable than your aunt’s Wi-Fi. 📱
The native token of Hyperliquid, that paragon of decentralized perpetuals, has plummeted by a staggering 60% from its September zenith, a descent as dramatic as a falling star in a twilight sky. Yet, the crypto world, ever eager to anoint new kings, was convinced that Hyperliquid would not only supplant centralized exchanges but ascend to the heights of parabolic glory. 🚀
Its treasury, a fortress of Zetrix tokens, stands guard to ensure the blockchain kingdom runs like a well-oiled machine. ⚙️🛡️