Cryptonews

This, dear reader, is no mere parlor trick. Infused with the solemnity of a czar’s decree and the ingenuity of a tipsy clerk at his abacus, KuCoin’s copy trading flings open the doors to all—pro, tyro, and the luckless in between. Does one not yearn for a life where one’s rubles, nay, crypto, are multiplied not by toil but by the cunning of others? With the Supernova Program beside it, KuCoin does not simply toss a bone to traders—it invites them to a banquet of possibilities, with only a modest risk of food poisoning.

DeFi Development Corp (a name that practically screams, “We wanted something with synergy!”) is making headlines with its quest to raise $100 million. How? Not by passing the hat at Thanksgiving, but via a private offering of convertible senior notes that mature in 2030. If you’re not familiar, convertible notes are basically IOUs with commitment issues. One minute they’re debt, next minute—bam!—they’re equity, like a mullet but for corporate finance.

“The authorities of the UAE have informed the Netherlands that they have arrested a suspect in the context of an ongoing criminal investigation. The man was wanted internationally for involvement in large-scale fraud surrounding the alleged gambling platform ZKasino,” the local authorities’ press release claimed.

But lately, a curious thing is happening. Cryptocurrency is sneaking out of its digital den and ambling into the daylight of real-life commerce. People are using it for payments, for business, even for—dare I whisper it—entertainment. Yes, your gran may soon pay for bingo with something invented by a software engineer in his pyjamas. What happened? Who tidied up the disco?

In a video update recorded on 2 June, the analyst dissected the one-hour chart and concluded that the advance from the 22 June low is best counted as a three-wave move. “Because wave 1 … was only a three-wave move, the third wave should unfold as an ABC structure,” he said, underscoring that the rally lacks the five-wave DNA of a trend reversal. Even so, as long as Dogecoin defends what he called a “micro-support area between $0.16 and $0.166,” the diagonal remains valid and a measured target at $0.196—the 138 percent Fibonacci extension of wave 1—”remains plausible.”

Now, the bears — those fellas betting against joy, progress, and reasonable haircuts — found themselves dragged out of their proverbial saloons and handed a bill they hadn’t planned to pay. CoinGlass reports there were $352 million in market liquidations; 80% of that, you could say, were from folks who thought the price would go down. Turns out: Oops.

Today, we bring you all the drama and intrigue of Bitcoin’s next act—courtesy of Standard Chartered, that reputable oracle who exists to remind us banks adore predicting things with regretful confidence.

With this latest purchase, Metaplanet now sits on 13,350 BTC, which is “a lot of Bitcoin” or, if you don’t speak Crypto Enthusiast, roughly “several private islands”—and hey, they just nudged past CleanSpark to become the world’s fifth-largest publicly traded Bitcoin hoarder. In other cultures they call it “a collection.” In Japan, apparently, it’s a corporate strategy.

With this licentious—pardon, *licensed*—blessing, Bitvavo may now set sail across the tempestuous seas of bureaucracy to all realms of the European Union, even those curious outposts called Norway, Iceland, and Liechtenstein. ‘Tis all thanks to one of those grand frameworks, the so-called MiCAR, whose purpose (one assumes grandly, as these things ever do) is to ensure every trader, from the humble servant to the lord of finance, may ply their digital wares without fear of pirates or, worse, unregulated ledgers! 🏴‍☠️💸

The Institute’s parchment, entitled 2050 Generation’s Virtual Asset Investment Trends (a headline sure to bankrupt several ink merchants), concocts a vision: in their 40s, the citizens march at the fore (31% participation), trailed closely by the brisk-footed 30s (28%), and the ever-contemplative 50s (25%). Apparently, life truly begins at forty, at least for Bitcoin. 🪙