IREN, that audacious titan of Bitcoin mining and data centers, now perches at $75.3-a 1,200% leap from its nadir! Its market cap, a staggering $19 billion, would make even the most jaded capitalist blush. But let us not forget: this is a company that once eked out a mere $7 million in AI colocation revenue. Progress, indeed! 🚀
The air grew heavy with the scent of treachery as whales, those leviathans of liquidity, began their ritualistic unloading, while treasury firms-cloaked in the garb of fiscal prudence-betrayed their own kind. Sequans Communications, a name once spoken with reverence, now stood exposed as a Judas, selling 970 units of BTC to redeem half its debt, reducing its hoard from 3,234 to a paltry 2,264. Ah, the poetry of financial penance!
Bitcoin started November like a sad clown-sliding from $110k during Asian hours. The culprit? OGs (Original Gangsters of the blockchain) dumping BTC like it’s expired sushi. This “profit-taking” trend has been brewing since October, turning BTC’s rally into a slow-burn comedy of errors. 🍣💸
Back in April 2025, these London lads announced their grand design to treat Bitcoin like it’s the crown jewel of their treasury. 🏰💎 They reckon it’s the best hedge against the slow, sad slide of fiat currency-you know, that stuff we call “money” when we’re not busy watching it depreciate faster than a politician’s promises. 📉
These acquisitions, one might surmise, would grant Mastercard a most convenient onchain payments stack, enabling it to leap from pilot to production with the grace of a well-timed waltz. 🕺
The price of DOGE has taken a dive, plummeting 4.63% in the last 24 hours. A true testament to the power of… well, nothing, really. 🐕💸
SUI, the token that promised to revolutionize blockchain, now looks like a confused toddler in a cryptocurrency maze. It plummeted 9.2% to $2.02, with trading volume spiking like a caffeinated squirrel. 🐿️
XRP price hit a sad $2.27, marking a 37% drop from its peak earlier this year. In the past seven days, it dropped almost 10%. Can we get a moment of silence for this poor coin? The crash has dragged its market cap down to a measly $137 billion.
Lo! On Monday, this digital alchemist proclaimed its ill-advised ambitious U.S. listing scheme. A reverse merger, you ask? Why endure the indignity of an IPO when one might simply usurp an existing shell company? Currency Group’s shareholders shall soon find themselves as relevant as a mime in a hurricane. Closing date: 2026. Because patience is a virtue, and speculation a sport! 💸
Launched in December 2024, RLUSD isn’t just a flash in the pan-it’s a firework in a gas station. Its year-to-date growth? A dizzying 1,278%. If you blinked, you missed it. 😬
