According to PeckShield (the wizards of blockchain security), this is a 27% jump from June’s $111 million. But hey, at least it’s a 46% drop from last year’s July, when hackers swiped $266 million. Progress? Or just a slow month for the digital ne’er-do-wells? 🤔
According to the Yonhap News Agency, the Financial Services Commission and its trusty sidekick, the Financial Supervisory Service, have formed a task force that’s less “team-building retreat” and more “survival of the fittest.” Their mission? To corral the chaos of crypto lending before it swallows another generation of hopefuls. 🚨
According to the wise oracle—CryptoQuant analyst João Wedson—this spectacle is no coincidence. It’s like clockwork, a ballet choreographed by the universe itself. Major financial hubs—London, Wall Street, and Asia—align their best moves, creating a perfect storm of liquidity. Folks are rebalancing, arbitrageurs are dancing, and billions change hands with the grace of a swan. Then, as the clock strikes past 7 PM UTC, everything quiets down—markets close, dreams fade, and the crypto whales vanish faster than a magician’s rabbit.
Bloomberg Intelligence’s Eric Balchunas, with the subtlety of a foghorn, amplified the news on X: “It’s a new day at the SEC…” His post, a masterclass in understatement, highlighted the SEC’s sudden pivot allowing authorized participants (APs) to deliver or receive bitcoin or ether directly. No more routing cash through issuers like a Victorian postman dodging puddles. One might almost call it progress—assuming one still believes in such quaint notions.
American banking giant JPMorgan Chase, with all the gravitas and conservative flair you’d expect, is teaming up with Coinbase, a company that’s basically the rebellious sibling of traditional finance, to make crypto easier to access – because why should the Wild West stay wild forever?
Crypto enthusiasts have been playing a game of legal hide-and-seek for years—except the rules keep changing faster than a chameleon at a rainbow convention. Under the stern gaze of former SEC Chair Gary Gensler, who insisted every shiny digital doodad was a security waiting to happen, the industry was caught in a regulatory version of “guess what I am.” Gensler’s law was clear—or so he claimed, while the crypto market silently rolled its eyes and packed snacks. 📦🤓
On the social plains of X, CryptoQuant shared a thread that spoke of the altcoins rising from their slumber, particularly after Bitcoin’s triumphant march to new all-time highs (ATH) in mid-July. It was as if the king had stepped aside, allowing the courtiers to shine.
So, on July 31st, coinciding with their second-quarter report (numbers, numbers, always numbers!), Coinbase deigned to reveal this grand vision. A series of pronouncements on that vulgar platform, X (formerly Twitter, heavens!), outlined their intention to integrate… well, everything, really. “Millions of assets → Derivatives → Tokenized equities,” they chirped. Rather breathless, wouldn’t you agree? The whole thing follows some marginally improved results in derivatives and…decentralized exchange, whatever that is. 🤷♀️
Enter the scene: Pumpius, a crypto analyst with a handle that suggests Roman ancestry and a penchant for exclamation marks, delivers a Twitter treatise brimming with juicy tidbits. The dirt? Japan’s staid banking behemoth, Mitsubishi UFJ Financial Group (MUFG), has decided it’s high time to do away with stodgy old ledgers and start transforming property deeds into dazzling digital trinkets—courtesy of the XRP Ledger, or XRPL for the acronym lovers among us.
According to Grayscale, the Story protocol is like a digital copyright fairy godmother, but for AI and memes. It’s supposed to let you program your cat’s selfies into a licensing agreement. Because who doesn’t want to monetize their pet’s existential dread? 🐱💸
