As the U.S. stock market yawned awake, Bitcoin leapt over the $90,000 hurdle like a mischievous sprite, all thanks to the Fed’s scheduled overnight repurchase agreement (repo) operation-because nothing says “holiday cheer” like injecting $6.8 billion into the financial bloodstream. 🥂
In a pronouncement that shook the cobblestones of Wall Street (or would’ve, had they not been napping):
Why bother with complicated DeFi strategies when you can just let this vault do the work? It’s like having a personal finance wizard, but with less wizardry and more XRP. 🧙♂️
Wu Blockchain, the Agony Aunt of blockchain, shared the document on X, claiming it was timestamped “Wednesday, Dec. 17, 2025 at 7:34 p.m. ET”-a time so specific it could be the moment someone accidentally left their coffee unattended. The internal note, titled “2026 Crypto Outlook: Near-Term Headwinds, Second-Half Upside,” sounds like a motivational poster for a stormy sea voyage.
Ah, the theater of blockchain! In the past 24 hours, stablecoin activity has spiked, and TON, that unexpected protagonist, has stolen the limelight. Its stablecoin supply leapt by $500 million, a sum that makes one wonder if it’s found the philosopher’s stone. Tron, ever the sidekick, trailed with a modest boost, while Plasma, Avalanche, and Ethereum clapped politely from the sidelines. A standing ovation, however, was not in the cards for Sui, Katana, Arbitrum, Base, and Solana, whose supplies contracted like a miser’s heart. BNB Chain, alas, bled the most, its stablecoin supply shrinking faster than a nobleman’s fortune in a Turgenev novel. 🩸
So, what’s the deal? Neo’s holiday gift to us is basically a game of question, lie, and decipher-like a horrible family dinner, but digital and festive. You poke the AI, it throws a fit-lies, misdirections, or just plain rudeness-and you gotta slather on your detective hat to figure out which gift got swiped. Hint: The AI’s response style is highly unpredictable, kinda like Uncle Bob after too much eggnog.
At this very moment, our dear ADA tiptoes around $0.36, sporting a market cap of a cool $13-14 billion. A real head-turner among the large-cap altcoins, if only for its humble persistence. 💼
The monthly MACD, once a beacon of hope, has turned traitor. Its bearish crossover-a signal so ominous it could make a fortune teller weep-has heralded calamity before. Recall 2022, when this very omen sent ADA spiraling 81% into the abyss. Analyst Ali Martinez, our modern-day prophet of doom, chirps: “This time, it’s only dropped 32%! Progress?” 🎩🦺
The price targets of Bitcoin, like the aspirations of the human soul, diverge ever more, as frustration mounts in the absence of a decisive breakthrough, a moment that seems perpetually out of reach. 📉📈
Right. So, the crypto world is bracing itself for a “massive structural reset” on Friday. Which, if we’re being honest, sounds vaguely threatening. It involves a frankly terrifying amount of money-$23.6 billion in Bitcoin options and $3.8 billion in Ether options-all expiring on something called “Deribit”. It’s like someone decided to play Monopoly with the global economy. 🤷♀️