Cryptonews

Yesterday, somewhere between the second and third cucumber sandwich at Marex HQ, a communique oozed onto the web: the firm hath formally joined JP Morgan’s Kinexys network, courtesy of the ever-buoyant cheerleaders at BH Digital. Huzzah! Henceforth, Marex may fling money through electronic pipes day and night, like a toddler scattering Lego. Gone are the dreary old “business hours.” Cue confetti made entirely of regulatory filings.

Local gossip columns report that KakaoBank’s chief financial officer, Kwon Tae-hoon, has confirmed the company is weighing a variety of possibilities related to stablecoins. Issuance? Custody services? One can only imagine the flurry of excitement behind closed doors as these plans unfold.

So, there’s this fancy thing called the “Realized Cap” that basically tells you how much crypto money is actually sitting around, waiting for its next move. Think of it as your crypto portfolio’s mood ring-when it goes up, investors are feeling bullish; when it dips, maybe it’s time to hide under the desk. 🕵️‍♂️

After giving the $162 zone a hearty handshake, Solana’s climbed above $165 and even flirted with the $168 barrier-eating its spinach and growing up a bit. 🚀

Sure, ETH’s down 4.7% this week, but it’s still 30% higher than last month. So, yeah, it’s like when you gain 10 pounds on vacation but you’re still hotter than you were last year. 💁‍♀️ The weekly range of $3,380 to $3,874 is just Ethereum taking a breather, probably scrolling through memes. 📱

So, Ethereum’s [ETH] Net Taker Volume decided to go full drama queen and plunged to -$418.8 million. That’s the second-biggest sell-off party ever, according to CryptoQuant. 🥳 116,000 more ETH were sold than bought in one day-because why not? Historically, this kind of selling spree has been the crypto equivalent of a “Dear John” letter, signaling a reversal. 💔

But wait, there’s more! Just when you thought ETH might slink off to the couch with a bag of frozen peas, record amounts of Open Interest saunter in-$77 billion on Binance alone, enough zeroes to make a government accounting error blush. Imagine every futures trader on the planet suddenly yelling “hold my beer” at once; that’s the vibe right now.

Once joined, this digital duopoly plans to roll out a Bitcoin treasury vehicle with the elegance of a barnyard dance, aiming to debut on the New York Stock Exchange under the mysterious tick symbol PRTX. Guess they figured, why not turn what’s essentially a glorified piggy bank into a ticker symbol? 🐷

Kendrick, in his infinite wisdom (or perhaps just market savvy), suggests that publicly listed companies like Sharplink Gaming (SBET) are serving up a tastier slice of ETH exposure than those drab ol’ ETFs. Pass the caviar, please! 🍾💸

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