Cryptonews

Apparently, this shady lot has been funneling loot to Pyongyang’s ahem “weapons programs.” Because what’s more fun than funding a little nuclear, right? The US Treasury, that lovely watchdog, reports that they’ve targeted eight individuals and a couple of entities-because nothing screams “business as usual” like laundering funds via ransomware and crypto thefts. As John K. Hurley, that charming chap from the Treasury, put it: “North Korean hackers steal and launder money to keep the regime’s toys on full blast. Nothing like a bit of nuclear flair to spice up a Monday!” 💥🕵️‍♂️

The Bank of Canada, ever the diligent servant of the state, will spend $10 million over two years to supervise this grand spectacle-only to recoup $5 million annually from the poor souls who dare issue stablecoins. A charmingly convoluted dance of regulation, if ever there was one.

Hold onto your hats, folks-Ethereum has just lost its most reliable ally: the 200-day exponential moving average (EMA). This level, which had been acting as a fortress of support since February, was supposed to keep ETH’s spirits high. But alas, it’s now fallen below this critical line, hovering around $3,518 after weeks of dancing around $3,700 to $3,800. What does that mean? Oh, just that Ethereum’s bullish trend is fading fast. Who needs a break above this EMA anymore, right? No big deal. 😬

Should this miracle materialize, XRP shall ascend to the pantheon of crypto’s elite, rubbing shoulders with Bitcoin and Ethereum. A spot ETF! The golden ticket for Ripple’s devotees, nay, its apostles, to parade their faith in the holy ledger.

Accumulator wallets, those voracious beasts of the blockchain, have devoured 375,000 BTC in a month-a feast fit for the gods of finance! 🦖🍖

While the crypto world is busy sobbing into its ledger, these three troublemakers are throwing a party. 🎉 Let’s dive into their shenanigans, shall we?

So, this Bank Policy Institute (BPI), a banking bigwig, doubles down on crypto alarmism. They warn that a little thing like a $20 billion liquidation cascade-triggered by stablecoin USDe’s depegging on October 10th-could spill into the good old fashioned markets. Lovely image, isn’t it? The crypto ripple turning into a tidal wave of tradition. 🌊

Imagine this: a “Japanese” candidate who can’t speak Japanese. A “remote job” that’s more remote than a hermit crab in a snowstorm. Heiner García, our blockchain Sherlock, exposed this farce by setting up a dummy crypto company. The operative? A master of evasion, vanishing faster than a socialist’s promise. 🕳️✨

Once upon a recent October, Bitcoin was king of the hill, hitting an all-time high of $126,000-impressive enough to make even the most hardened hodler do a double take. Now, it’s decided to take a dive-down a hefty 20% to be exact-showing that the crypto markets are as unpredictable as a squirrel on espresso. Rumors of more decline swirl around, probably in the style of a particularly gloomy weather forecast.

For a thrilling three seconds, BTC touched $99,008 – a mere technicality, really – before staggering back to the $102K comfort zone. But what’s a little volatility between friends, darling? The market took one look at macroeconomic tightening and investor jitters, gave a theatrical sigh, and said, “Right, off to the gallows we go.” 🎭