Cryptonews

Kiyosaki, ever the prophet of gloom, claims the signs are everywhere. Geopolitical tensions? Check. Rising interest rates? Check. High debts? Double check. It’s like a financial apocalypse bingo card, and we’re all losing. 🎱💸 But fear not! If the stock market goes kaput, Kiyosaki says gold, silver, and Bitcoin will be the new black. Because nothing says “I’m prepared for the end times” like hoarding shiny metals and digital coins. 🪙🔮

While the rest of the crypto market was busy partying with gains in the last 24 hours, HBAR decided to go in the opposite direction, posting a delightful 2% drop. How charming. This is probably a sign that people are starting to lose faith in this token, and it might soon tumble out of its narrow comfort zone. Talk about a midlife crisis! 😬

Here’s the deal: XRP did the textbook thing-created a descending trendline, peaked at $3.50, and then face-planted into a correction. Classic Larry David move. Now, it’s rallying from $3.00 like it’s trying to prove something. But let’s be real, it’s still just circling the drain of this trendline. 🌀

In a most curious turn of events, the number of S&P 500 companies daring to utter the word “recession” during their second-quarter earnings calls has plummeted to a mere 16, a staggering drop from 124 in the first quarter, as revealed by the ever-reliable FactSet. One might ponder, what is a recession, if not two consecutive quarters of negative growth? A rather dreary affair, indeed.

Not so long ago, back in July (which, as far as the future is concerned, ought to be ancient history), the market thought it had reached its Everest. Turns out this was but a gentle foothill: since the year unbuckled its belt, crypto’s grown by a stout 22%, shoving $750 billion under its mattress like my Aunt Polly stashes biscuits from the pantry.

In the last day alone, our mysterious financier-hereinafter referred to as “The Whales’ Unlikely Comic Relief”-sucked in a cool $212 million worth of Ether, data tells us. Six wallets, each a digital treasure chest, store their loot-some worth as much as a small country’s annual budget. Galaxy Digital, FalconX, and BitGo seem to have been the chosen haunts for this bitcoin Bond villain. One wallet holding $181 million-impressive, yet unimaginably modest compared to the one with $128 million, which seems almost quaint in comparison.

But wait, it gets better. According to Mow, most ETH holders are actually just holding onto their BTC and using it to pump up ETH. So, it’s like they’re all in on this grand scheme to create a bunch of new “generational bagholders” and then scoop up all the gains in BTC. Genius, right? Or just super sketchy…

He directs our gaze – a trifle theatrically, don’t you think? – toward something called the ‘OTHERS’ chart. ‘OTHERS,’ naturally, being the collective despondency of all altcoins beyond the glittering Top Ten and the stolid guardians of stablecoins. A veritable menagerie of digital oddities. He observes this ‘OTHERS’ construct with the keen interest of a lepidopterist studying a particularly drab moth.

Icahn’s ultra-exclusive, “no outsiders allowed” fund has already lost 8.8% this year-because why ruin just one investor’s day when you can ruin your own over and over again?

Technically, there’s a tiresome descending trendline lurking at £3.40-rather like an ex at a cocktail party-but break above it and we’re off to £3.60, then the glittering £4, and finally the darling £5 we’ve all promised ourselves in our more… optimistic moments. Stranger things have happened; I once mislaid an entire villa in Ibiza, after all.