The firme predicteth (with all the certainty of a weatherman in a tempest ⛈️) that by mid-2026, stocks shall leap to 7,200 points!—because, naturally, Wall Street thrives on round numbers and wild optimism 🎰. But make haste, for dark omens loom! ☠️
It’s like they woke up one morning and thought, “Wow, maybe we should add a little sparkle to our portfolios!” Enter gold and the shiny new toy on the block—Bitcoin! 💎✨ Who knew that digital currencies would make their way into the hearts (and balance sheets) of central banks everywhere?
In a turn of events so tragically comic that even Chekhov himself would sigh, our dear friend—let us call him “PUMP Top Fund 2,” though he plainly lacks both a top and a fund—deposited his entire fortune of 2 billion $PUMP tokens (a princely sum of $12.79M, or so he thought) into the gaping maw … Read more
PancakeSwap’s Infinity DEX has officially launched on Base, a move that’s not only about expanding its reach but also about bringing some much-needed DeFi flair to the Ethereum Layer 2 ecosystem. With features like dynamic fee structures, customizable Hooks, and dual pool types, it’s like they’re trying to make DeFi as fun as a roller coaster ride. Or maybe that’s just me being optimistic. 🎢
Mert Mumtaz, co-founder and CEO of Helius (which, let’s face it, sounds more like a character from a sci-fi novel than an infrastructure provider), was ecstatic enough to post on X about it. Apparently, this little upgrade means that Solana can now squeeze more transactions into each block, making for a delightful day for developers and users alike. Who knew technology could be so… productive?
But don’t worry, Mewawalla is here for a dramatic exit—denying any wrongdoing and rejecting the board’s allegations “respectfully and vigorously.” Which, let’s be real, is the corporate equivalent of “I’m not mad; I’m just disappointed!” 😱 And he pointed out their prior public support. Great strategy, buddy! Nothing says “trust me” like a letter filled with exclamation marks and desperation!
In a move that’s as predictable as a Vogon reading poetry, Alon assured the community that details will be shared “when they become available.” Because, you know, nothing says “we’ve got this under control” like a vague promise and a shrug emoji. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Open interest climbed — oh, not just peeped but dramatically ascended — washing over the scene to a sea of $591 million like a financial flood, eclipsing the modest whisper of activity over $4.43 billion in derivatives volume. A 35% gain for interest, a staggering 291% for volume — enough numbers to drown a small island of skeptics, all brewed in the bubbling cauldron of Coinglass’s data caress.
Boasting over 50,000 BTC in its wallet, MARA has cemented its status as the second-largest Bitcoin custodian among publicly traded companies, right after the artist formerly known as MicroStrategy. With this newfound capital, MARA endeavors to escalate its Bitcoin holdings to even more impressive altitudes!
Amidst the bustling chaos of the modern world, where healthcare and cryptocurrency often seem like distant stars in the vast universe of business, KindlyMD and Nakamoto Holdings have decided to become one. In a grand gesture that would make even the most stoic investor blush, they published a press release on Tuesday, announcing the formal submission of their merger documentation to the U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission (SEC). The grand union is set to be consummated on Aug. 11, 2025, much to the delight of shareholders and tech enthusiasts alike.
