Imagine this: the stock market is a rollercoaster, and MSTR just took a nosedive, plummeting 14% in two weeks! 😱 Below the 50-day moving average? Oh, it’s *below* alright, like a submarine in a teacup. 🛳️☕
They got themselves a plan, see, an aggressive one. And a way with liquidity. Ain’t flyin’ under the radar no more, not by a long shot.
180 Life Sciences Corp. (Nasdaq: ATNF) has decided that curing diseases was too mainstream. Instead, they’re launching ETHzilla, a creature that’s half corporate strategy, half cryptocurrency chaos. 🚀
Allow me, with all the flair of a society columnist prowling a cryptographically secure ball, to recount the most scandalous milestones of our dear, misunderstood Ethereum.
Once-daring forecasts—like that $20 pipedream—have withered into whispers. Perplexity now sighs, “Ripple’s dance with Uncle Sam is a ballroom of daggers.” Legal battles, they warn, are not mere speedbumps but towering icebergs in a crypto ocean. 🚢❄️ Because nothing kills a rally like a subpoena.
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But hold onto your hats! ETH had a little tiff with the $3,940 level, dropping lower than a limbo dancer under a stick, dipping below $3,900 and $3,800 like a teenager avoiding chores.
Ethereum, that DeFi-native darling, is basking in the spotlight, and no, it’s not a fleeting moment of glory. The clock ticks, and so does the momentum. We’re not saying there’s no slowdown, but as of now, we’re seeing no signs of one. It’s like the Energizer Bunny, but with more code and fewer batteries. ⚡
Net revenue? Up 45%, darling. Net income? A vulgar 105% leap to $386 million. But alas, Wall Street, ever the fickle lover, shrugged and bid their shares downward in after-hours trading. How dreadfully predictable. 💅
Coinbase Assets dropped a cryptic tweet on X: “BNKR will begin trading July 30… if it behaves itself.” Translation: “We’re listing it, but don’t expect us to apologize for the chaos.” The BNKR-USD trading pair will roll out like a slow-motion car crash—phased, but still terrifying. 🚗💨
