On 28 September, a Bitcoin advocate named Calle shared screenshots of media coverage with a post on X, saying, “bitchat downloads spiking in Madagascar.” The line lands like a splash of ink on a page already damp with rumor, a headline that knows how to laugh at itself while the crowd leans closer for the truth.
Where’d the cash come from? Oh, just their usual tricks: selling common stock via an at-the-market (ATM) program and issuing perpetual preferred stock. Because why not? 🛒
Ah, BitMine Immersion Technologies (BMNR), that modern-day alchemist, has once again stirred the cauldron of finance. In a press release as timely as a summer storm, they announced their ether holdings had swelled to 2.65 million tokens-a figure that, they assure us, constitutes over 2% of the total ETH supply. How quaintly impressive! 🧙♂️
Accounts tell of crowds who, after days of blackouts and shortages, did take to the streets with a resolve most unbecoming of a tranquil salon. The authorities, in their wisdom, imposed a dusk-to-dawn curfew to try to stop looting and clashes-one cannot help but admire such a display of administrative punctuality, though the outcome remains to be seen. 😅
The rally comes as the broader crypto market rebounds following a subdued weekend. ZEC could extend its gains with traders rotating back into altcoins showing fresh momentum. 🕵️♂️
Blockchain’s the star of this show, folks! 🌟 It’s secure, transparent, and settles funds faster than you can say, “Springtime for Hitler.” 🇬🇧 Banks and fintech startups are piloting these blockchain payment rails like they’re auditioning for a Broadway hit. No more middlemen, no more waiting-just direct transfers that’ll make your old bank look like a horse-drawn carriage in a Formula 1 race. 🏎️ International remittances? Done in minutes, not days. Traceability? It’s like GPS for your money. 🚀
Enter the Bitcoin whales-who, let’s face it, are probably just rich dudes in hoodies-splurging on 30K $BTC last week ($3.3B!). Metaplanet bought 5K BTC and now thinks it’s the Beyoncé of Bitcoin treasuries. 💸
Now, Elon Musk. Oy vey. That guy. Since 2013, this coin’s fate is tied to his every tweet, every whim, especially if it involves, you know, *the government*. This Grok deal? It’s like a Bat-Signal for Dogecoin believers. A Bat-Signal made of…code. And hype.
In a world where XRP’s fate is written by the whims of a few, the U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission (SEC) has been handed a prospectus so incendiary it could roast marshmallows. The Cyber Hornet S&P500/XRP ETF, with the subtlety of a sledgehammer, declares that XRP whales are not just investors-they are puppeteers, pulling strings with transactions so colossal they could make Mount Everest blush. 🐳💸
These ETFs aren’t just about Bitcoin, oh no. We’re talking about a whole menagerie of digital whatsits: Solana (SOL), the slightly more sensible cousin of Dogecoin (DOGE – yes, that Dogecoin 🐕), XRP (XRP), Litecoin (LTC), and…well, you get the idea. It’s a crypto party, and everyone’s invited – even the ones you’re not entirely sure should be.
