In a dispatch on X, worthy of a society scandal, Monad co-founder Keone Hon has issued a clarion call: beware the clicking of ads in our hallowed channel! These rogues have procured Telegram spots that slither into the project’s exclusive announcement sanctum-a realm hitherto pristine, reserved solely for Monad’s own proclamations. 😤
Ripple claims this stunt is part of an epic master plan to make the XRP Ledger the Fort Knox of DeFi. Because nothing screams confidence like inviting hackers in for a friendly game of “see if you can break it.”
Analysts, those bright-eyed sages of the market, casually remind us that every grand event in crypto history-those wild bull runs-are often preceded by dramatic resets, like some strange ritual. Think 30, 40, even 70 percent wipes, as if the market enjoys wiping the slate clean just to make room for a little chaos. March 2020, a special black swan moment, knocked off nearly 70%, while May 2021 wasn’t feeling shy either, with over half of the value vaporized into thin air. And somewhere in between, a parade of 30 to 40 percent slumps kept investors on the edge of their seats, clutching their coffee.
In the great game of corporate chess, where dealing a reverse takeover is akin to showing off your pet unicorn, both boards have given this grand plan their unanimous nod of approval-squealing with joy at the prospect. The closing of this operation is slated for early 2026, thus propelling Dogecoin into the institutional spotlight where it may consort with those who understand the machinations of regulated financial markets. It’s a bit like sending a shoal of fish to a desert outing, but charm can be all the proving ground they have.
On a Monday, as the world stirred from its slumber, the Security Alliance (SEAL) proclaimed their latest endeavor: a tool for the enlightened-“advanced users and security researchers”-to join the fray against these digital brigands. Verily, a weapon to verify the malice of reported phishing sites, lest the scammers cloak their deeds in benign guises. 🕸️
Bitcoin is sashaying around, trading at approximately $115,916-a robust rebound from a rather shy $109,883 last Friday, after some historic deleveraging, or as I like to call it, the crypto version of a dramatic breakup. Ethereum, ever the show-off, has soared over 3%, reaching a princely $4,283-quite the ringmaster, wouldn’t you say?
The authorities, ever the skeptics, declare it a suicide, though they still probe and ponder. A firearm, registered to our dear Kostya, lay beside him-a prop in this grim comedy. Friends and kin reveal notes of woe, of financial ruin and emotional strife. Could it be that the weight of $30 million in losses proved too heavy a burden? Oh, the perils of influence and high-stakes gambles! 🎭⚰️
But here’s the kicker: real gold? Yeah, it did exactly what it’s supposed to do. It’s like the calm, wise old man of the asset world. It touched a record high of over $4,000 an ounce while shrugging off all that geopolitical chaos. Gold: 1, Bitcoin: 0. Crypto? More like chaos.
My dear reader, Citi (that’s C for the uninitiated) is set to toddle into crypto custody services in 2026, meaning they can hold onto those pesky native digital assets like bitcoin and ether on behalf of their clients, as per a whisper from CNBC. Sarcasm intended, but it’s a bold leap for the Wall Street titans! 🚀
Just when you thought it couldn’t get more bonkers, BNB tapped a new all-time high of $1,370, and its market cap ballooned to a whopping $190 billion. Still the third-largest crypto, mind you, so we thought, “Why not ask some clever AIs if it can give Ethereum (ETH) a run for its money?” Because, you know, why not? 🤖💰
