Cryptonews

CEO Paolo Ardoino, a man with a knack for hyperbole, has dubbed this the “biggest financial inclusion achievement in history”-a title that would make even the most seasoned politician blush. 🤡

It’s retraced, folks, along with the fading retail buzz and a market that’s as cautious as a cat in a room full of rocking chairs. Still, ASTER stays in the game, pulling over $150 million daily-more than some small towns’ economies! 🏙️

This ol’ XRP price has been danglin’ ’round $2.45, droppin’ like a hot potato from its lofty $2.55 perch, mirrorin’ the big ol’ market tumble that knocked the socks off them other fancy coins. Lost that sturdy $2.71 crutch, turnin’ it into a barricade fit for a standoff. Technical gimcracks show the RSI fadin’ like my prospects at poker, and volumes quieter than a church mouse. But lordy, them on-chain tales hint at big fish swallowin’ up heaps near these parts, makin’ you wonder-could this be the spark for a comeback, or just another wild goose chase? 🤔💸

In a move that makes the world’s richest folks look like they’re playing a high-stakes game of Monopoly, a hefty bunch of Bitcoin-2,854 BTC worth roughly $314 million-and 29,639 ETH valued near $115 million, all tiptoed out of their ETF wallets and straight into Coinbase Prime’s waiting arms. That’s over $430 million slipping out like a slippery fish. Both moves linked directly to BlackRock’s shiny iShares Bitcoin Trust and iShares Ethereum Trust-because what’s a little magic without a dash of legality? 🧙‍♂️💸

After a weekend rebound from the humble depths below $104,000, analysts are now waving tiny red flags, warning that weak derivatives activity and looming U.S. inflation data could make Bitcoin act like a toddler on a sugar rush-chaotic and unpredictable.

Coinbase Markets, in its infinite wisdom, took to its official X account (yes, that’s still a thing, apparently) to share that trading for OMNI-PERP contracts had been officially suspended on not one, but two of its platforms. Truly a glorious day for crypto traders everywhere. 🙄

But Mert wasn’t done. Oh no, he had a sneaky plan. He whispered, “What if ZEC is the real Bitcoin? The one Satoshi secretly wished for?” And guess what? He had proof! Back in 2010, Satoshi himself (yes, the mythical crypto wizard) admitted on a forum that if zero-knowledge proofs were ever practical, Bitcoin could be “much better and easier.” Spoiler: He had no idea how. 🤷♂️✨

“I frankly didn’t see Echo being sold to Coinbase,” Cobie confessed on what used to be Twitter, now called X-because, why not?-with a laugh that echoed somewhere between irony and resignation. “But here we are: Coinbase bought Echo. Who would’ve guessed? Certainly not me, and I’ve seen some odd things in crypto.”

Oh, BNB, the token everyone loved for discounts on Binance fees (who wouldn’t love that?), took a nasty 3.3% dive over the last 24 hours. It started out all comfy at $1,117, but in no time, it was spiraling down to a meager $1,063 before limping back to somewhere just below $1,080. Yikes. 🥲

So, SIMD-0266: Efficient Token Program is basically the superhero Solana didn’t know it needed but definitely deserves. Anza, the mastermind behind this proposal, claims it’ll make token creation on Solana as smooth as a hot knife through butter. And by “smooth,” I mean 98% more compute resource economy. Like, finally, someone’s thinking about the blockchain’s waistline! 🍑