Cryptonews

Key Highlights

Jeffrey Huang, aka Machi Big Brother (or should we say Machi Big Spender?), has once again demonstrated that crypto markets are no place for the faint-hearted-or the fiscally prudent. After months of what can only be described as a masterclass in how not to trade, Huang’s pockets are lighter, and the internet is heavier with memes.

The shutdown itself is about as long-lasting as a New Year’s resolution. The Senate passed a funding package, but the House is out until Monday, so we’re technically in a lapse. Because nothing says “efficiency” like a government that shuts down over the weekend when no one’s watching anyway.

Gold, that ancient refuge of the fearful, has stumbled, shedding 8% of its luster. Silver, its poorer cousin, has fared worse, plunging nearly 12%. And Bitcoin? Ah, Bitcoin, the enfant terrible of the financial world, has proven itself a mere mortal, falling 9%. Yet, in this carnival of despair, it is the only one still standing with a smirk, as if to say, “You call that a sell-off?” But make no mistake, the liquidation wave has swept through the markets like a vengeful god, sparing no one.

In case you were wondering, trading remains snugly close to its one-dollar peg. It’s almost like the coin is saying, “I’m not going anywhere, thank you very much.” Meanwhile, exchanges have decided to throw a party, adding new pairs and sweet incentives to keep the volume swelling like my waistline during the holidays.

Alas, this illusion was as fragile as a crystal goblet in the hands of a drunkard. The very next day, another spectacle-Grayscale, that mighty vessel of investment, withdrew a colossal $98 million. A tidal wave that caused XRP to tremble and the investors to quiver, whispering among themselves if this was the beginning of its end.

Behold, the Shiba Inu, that canine curiosity of the crypto menagerie, finds itself ensnared in a symmetrical triangle, a geometric prison of converging trendlines and shrinking candle bodies. Volatility, that fickle muse, has retreated, leaving the price to languish in a state of compressed anticipation. But fear not, for this is no idle meandering. The triangle, born of a protracted downward spiral, hints at seller fatigue-a condition where each bearish thrust grows feebler, and buyers, like opportunistic scavengers, nibble at the edges. The lows rise, ever so slightly, a subtle rebellion against the tyranny of overhead resistance. Will the triangle yield to a burst of volatility? Only the Shibas know, and they are not talking.

What Hougan Loses and Finds: He insists the recent downturn refuses to loosen his long‑term, velvet‑drum vision.

Currently, ETH is loitering around $2,730, with intraday lows dipping to $2,780 during recent selloffs (thanks, CoinGlass). It’s like the price is trying to decide if it wants to be a spaceship or a sofa. Historical data shows Ethereum peaked at $3,500 in late 2025 before embarking on this retracement phase. Because, you know, even cryptocurrencies need a holiday.

Pi Coin (PI), that little scamp, dropped to a measly $0.16, keepin’ up its downward march on Friday while Bitcoin and its kin were havin’ their own troubles. It’s now down 94% from its glory days, shrinkin’ from a near $20 billion valuation to a humble $1.4 billion. That’s like goin’ from a mansion to a outhouse in record time.