Cryptonews

It all boils down to that poor, put-upon $0.21 support. If it holds, we might merrily gambol back towards $0.25. If it breaks… well, put it this way, it might be time to hide the credit cards and reconsider one’s life choices. 🍷

Final Thoughts (Or, as I like to call it, Panic Station)

So the forecast is… no one knows. Groundbreaking. It’s either breakout or breakdown, rally or crash, moon or… not moon. We must all sit here, clutching our phones, watching the whales, and trying not to refresh the portfolio app every four seconds. It’s utterly absurd and completely terrifying. But what else is one to do on a Tuesday? V. exhausting.

The delays highlight pressure on the Ethereum network. Normally, unstaking takes three to five days. Current applicants face up to 40 days.

According to CoinMarketCap (because apparently that’s gospel), HYPE is chilling at $46.37-just 7% away from its all-time high of $49.86. Investors are acting like they’re watching a tennis match, waiting for the ball to drop so they can scream “I told you so!” Spoiler alert: nobody cares. 🎾💸

Metaplanet, a company that seems to have more Bitcoin than common sense, has once again dipped its toes into the crypto pool, adding 103 shiny new coins to its collection, worth about $11.8 million. 🎉

Trading volumes, ever the dramatic spectacle, surged to $38 billion, a 50% leap above the 2025 average. Early in the week, $2 billion was cast into the void, only to be partially reclaimed-$594 million, to be precise-after Jerome Powell’s soothing whispers at Jackson Hole. Ah, the fickle heart of the investor, swayed by a mere hint of leniency!

This pivot from bandages to blockchain is, as the press release coyly admits, a “strategic turn.” A turn so dramatic it could make a hummingbird dizzy. The company’s new raison d’être? To become a custodian of Solana’s digital gold, acquiring tokens on the open market and, for a mere $50 million discount, collaborating with the Solana Foundation-a partnership as smooth as a well-timed punchline.

By the numbers, one might say this strategy is as sound as a well-tuned lute, still up more than 52% despite the market’s whimsical dance of ups and downs. 🎶

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Strategy (MSTR), a company of such renown in the land of Uncle Sam, hath increased its Bitcoin (BTC) treasure to 632,457 BTC, purchased at the princely sum of $73,527 per coin. 🏰 Lo and behold, this hoard now surpasseth 3.012% of the sacred 21 million BTC that shall ever grace this earth, as decreed by the Bitcoin Treasuries tracker. 📜

Behold, GrayWolf6, that sage of the charts, proclaimed on the digital scrolls of X that ETH has breached the $4,600 fortress, a level once as impenetrable as a Soviet bureaucracy. 🏰 With a weekly close that would make even the most stoic trader blush, ETH ascended to new heights, leaving the bears to gnash their teeth in despair. Now, it lingers in the treacherous $3,900-$4,800 range, a no-man’s land where profit-takers lurk like shadows in a Bulgakov novel. 🌚 GrayWolf6, ever the optimist, predicts a push beyond $5,000-a move that would silence the doubters and send the bulls into a frenzy. But beware, for $5,100 looms like a sphinx, guarding the gates of further glory.