In his latest proclamation, Saylor, the Bitcoin messiah, emphatically stated, “You do not sell your Bitcoin!”-a mantra he’s been chanting for years. It’s almost like he’s trying to convince the world that Bitcoin is the holy grail of investments, and not just another passing trend. Well, who can argue with $2 billion in personal holdings? Certainly not me! 😏
One such oracle of crypto wisdom, the enigmatic EtherNasyonaL, has boldly proclaimed that Dogecoin’s third and most electrifying bullish phase is yet to come. His technical analysis-oh yes, the charting masterpiece that all the cool kids are talking about-suggests that the stage is set for another monumental surge. And where is it headed? Above $0.8? Possibly, or should we dare to dream of higher? 🎢
This multi-year rollout is all about “making ETH productive,” which is just a fancy way of saying “let’s gamble with institutional-grade crypto while pretending we’re not terrified.” They’ll dabble in DeFi, play with staking, and maybe even survive. Fingers crossed.
Trump Media and Technology Group, the parent company of Truth Social, Truth+, and Truth.Fi, announced an exclusive deal with Crypto.com’s Derivatives North America (CDNA), a CFTC-registered exchange and clearinghouse.
The grand rollout, which Circle has taken to calling the “Economic Operating System for the internet” (a title as lofty as it is perplexing), boasts the participation of over 100 esteemed companies from the realms of banking, capital markets, and fintech. Among these luminaries are BlackRock, Goldman Sachs, Visa, Mastercard, and State Street, according to a Tuesday announcement that has set the ton abuzz. 📰🎩
ADA’s chilling at $0.66, which is roughly the price of a slightly used toaster. While the crypto market collectively nervously taps its foot, Cardano’s price structure is allegedly doing jazz hands. Analysts are calling it “increasingly likely” for ADA to make a “major move” by year-end. Spoiler: so is the pizza delivery guy if you don’t pay him.
As the US government squanders taxpayer funds on bureaucratic farce, the crypto world gleefully ushers in a new era of ETFs-Canary’s Litecoin and Hedera offerings, Bitwise’s Solana Staking charade, and Grayscale’s belated Solana attempt. A veritable feast of financial jargon, served cold.
Now, let’s not get too carried away here. The Hedera Foundation, ever the subtle teaser, posted a cryptic message titled, “Time for an HBAR ETF?” Well, color me intrigued! It suggested that asset managers might be eyeing the launch of such a product, and, of course, included a delightful little nugget of paperwork-a filing by Canary Capital to the U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission (SEC) for registration on Nasdaq. All the paperwork’s in order, folks, with a neat little S-1 amendment attached like a cherry on top-dated just last October 7, 2025, because who doesn’t love some good paperwork, right?
Yesterday, S&P Global, the self-proclaimed “financial babysitter,” handed Strategy a ‘B-’ grade. Not an A, but hey, it’s better than that time you forgot your math homework. 📚
October’s been a rollercoaster of emotions-more volatile than my ex’s mood swings. But hey, investors are apparently playing chess while the rest of us are still figuring out how to hold a fork. 🍴♟️
