Cryptonews

“Fourth-quarter earnings,” they say? Of course! Why discuss profits when one can wax poetic about “cross-border settlements” and “annualized run rates”? Visa’s CEO, Ryan McInerney, a man whose name sounds plucked from a bureaucratic comedy, declared stablecoins a “cornerstone” of their empire. One imagines him bowing to an invisible tsar while muttering about $140 billion in “crypto flows” since 2020. A noble feat, if one ignores the scent of desperation in the air.

The bull flag breakout and inverse head-and-shoulders pattern both target a $3 XRP price. Oh, the drama! 💰

The whispers of a US-China trade deal have ignited the flames of investor enthusiasm, as if the very air itself were combustible with greed and hope. 🤑 Yet, in the shadow of such euphoria, one must ask: is this the dawn of prosperity, or the prelude to a fall as inevitable as it is tragic?

This airdrop, a desperate Hail Mary in the face of a 24.6% price plunge since September, arrives as WLFI wallows in the mire of bearish sentiment. The market, ever fickle, has turned its cold shoulder, leaving the token to flounder like a fish out of water. 🐟❄️

This feat, they whisper in the hallowed halls of Bloomberg, marks BSOL as the undisputed champion of 2025’s ETF arena, outpacing not just crypto rivals but 850 U.S. funds launched this year. A veritable phoenix, it rose from the ashes of mediocrity, leaving its competition-ahem, the REX-Osprey XRP ETF (XRPR)-to ponder why its $37.7 million debut felt less like a coronation and more like a charity gala.

Now, don’t go thinking this is just another political stunt. The AfD party claims that a Bitcoin reserve will shield Germany from the wild rollercoaster of inflation and currency chaos. And hey, who wouldn’t want a bit of that crypto mojo on their side? 💰

So, Bitcoin’s at $113K, huh? Cute. It’s like it’s taking a nap after its $126K party two weeks ago. But hey, stability is hot, right? 🔥 Until the Fed meeting, that is. Then it’s either 🚀 or 💩. Place your bets, folks!

The asset managers at Bitwise, with chests puffed and spreadsheets aflutter, proclaimed a triumphant first day. $55.4 million in trading volume, $217.2 million in AUM-numbers that, in the eyes of the beholden, signify not just wealth, but the whispered promise of a new era. Or so they would have us believe. 😏

In a move that sounded like an April Fool’s joke but was, in fact, real, two giants – DBS and Goldman Sachs – decided to shake up the universe with a first-ever crypto trade that not even Chekhov himself could have imagined. Or maybe he would, if he’d had a crystal ball and a fondness for blockchain. 🧐

Short-term? A dirge. XRP’s failure to cling to the 200-day EMA is not mere technicality-it is a moral failing, a cosmic verdict. Bulls, deluded optimists, dared dream of $2.75-$2.80, only to be cast down by the implacable sellers. A brief respite from October’s carnage? Pah! A Sisyphean illusion. The trend since August? A procession of lower highs, a funeral march along a descending resistance line. Volume dwindles; hope evaporates. Is this not the very portrait of despair?