Cryptonews

1 ratio. Simple enough, right?

Bitcoin briefly tried to flirt with $115K, but, like your ex, it quickly backed away, fighting to get back to $110K. Classic.

Pi Network (PI) is doing its best impression of a short-term uptrend, with a higher low around $0.19 and a higher high near $0.29. It’s like watching a cat try to climb a curtain – sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. 🧗‍♂️ The reclaim of the EMA 9 and EMA 21, along with a bullish crossover, is the first exciting thing to happen since the May rally. Both EMAs are now sloping upward, which is basically the crypto version of a standing ovation. 👏

Sources-those sneaky little whispers-tell Fortune that Mastercard is tiptoeing into the ring with Zerohash, a Chicago-based blockchain wizard founded in 2017. Think of it as the cool kid in stablecoins and crypto infrastructure class, now possibly getting the biggest promposal ever! The negotiations? Late-stage, but hey, in Hollywood, anything can fall apart faster than a soufflé. And Mastercard and Zerohash? Playing like cover bands-they declined to comment. 🚫

Ah, but we must occasionally escape the echo chamber of Twitter bubbles! For as one might mistake the madness of Versailles for the voice of the people, so too do we overestimate the reach of our beloved cryptoverse. Are we truly kings of the hill, or merely mice atop a mountain of memes? 🤡

Trump, ever the showman, hinted at progress before the ink was even dry on the meeting agenda. “We’ve already agreed to a lot of things,” he declared, his voice carrying the weight of a man who’d just struck gold. “And we’ll agree to some more right now.” After the handshake and the photo ops, he proclaimed it the dawn of a “fantastic relationship for a long period of time.” Xi, stoic as ever, nodded, his silence speaking volumes. 🤝🎭

Summary

This most unfortunate disruption has revealed the stark truth that even the most ardent proponents of Web3 are still tethered to the very Web2 infrastructure they so vehemently oppose, a most ironic predicament. 🤡

Ah, the great puppeteers of the global stage! President Trump, with his golden mane aflutter, proclaimed a “tremendous” détente with President Xi, whose smile, one suspects, hides a thousand unspoken clauses. Tariffs, those pesky imps of trade, have been slashed-Fentanyl to a mere 10%, and the overall burden on China reduced from 57% to 47%. China, ever the gracious host, agrees to chat with Nvidia about chips, unshackle rare earth exports, and even lend an ear to the Ukraine saga. A thaw, you say? Or merely a theatrical interlude before the next act of this grand tragicomedy? 🍿