Bitcoin’s Reign Continues, But the Altcoin Minnows Are Making a Splash 🐟💰

Now, if we cast our minds back to the waning days of 2024, the scene was quite different. The altcoin index was swimming at a high of 87 in December, a clear sign that the little fish were having their day. But by late April 2025, the tide had turned, and the index had sunk to a lowly 12. Yet, a few of these digital minnows managed to leap out of the water and over the Bitcoin lily pad, posting gains that would make a goldfish blush.

Bitcoin’s Bull Run: The Cycle Top Finder Says “Not Yet, Folks!”

In a recent X post, Bittel used the ‘GMI Bitcoin Cycle Top Finder’ to show that this cycle is far from over. He pointed out that this indicator has been spot on in the past, correctly spotting four top signals in Bitcoin’s history. But guess what? This time, the indicator is saying, “Not so fast, my crypto friends!” BTC is nowhere near a cycle top, and that’s music to the ears of bulls everywhere. 🐂

Ex-Bank Employee Allegedly Moonlights as Embezzler—You Won’t Believe the Plot Twist 🚨

Formerly of Jonah Bank, Hickman has now been promoted to “Person the Federal Reserve Warns Everyone About at Awkward Social Events.” Her exploits allegedly include making off with $33,212 from a nonprofit where she had the dual role of Bookkeeper and Apparent Magician—specializing in the “Now you see it, now you don’t!” style of financial reporting.

Bitcoin’s Mempool Is Emptier Than My Social Calendar (And That’s Saying Something)

But let’s talk about the real showstopper: retail investors. You know, the average Joes and Janes whose grandkids are probably the only ones listening when they talk about “buying the dip.” Well, they’ve taken a group sabbatical. On-chain data says their absence is causing some rare drama in the Bitcoin universe—like the cast of Real Housewives going on a wellness retreat.

Rostec’s RUBx Stablecoin: Russia’s Digital Ruble Revolution!

According to a local news report, Rostec stated that RUBx Tokens are fully backed by real rubles. This implies that one Russian ruble will be kept in reserve to each RUBx in circulation. Deputy General Director of Rostec Alexander Nazarov said that this support is legally ensured. He added that the system is to be introduced this year, with Rostec being its primary operator.

Car Giant’s Generous Gift: $150M to Fix Their Own Mistakes 🤑

According to the newly updated settlement portal, which I imagine is as exciting as a Victorian novel, General Motors will provide compensation to affected owners and lessees for issues related to excessive oil consumption in vehicles equipped with the LC9 engine. One must wonder, what did these poor souls do to deserve such a fate? 🤔

Will XRP’s $200 Million Magic Trick Finally Break the $2.38 Barrier? 🪄💰

Mercado Bitcoin, the digital asset platform that’s as popular in Latin America as chocolate in a sweet tooth’s mouth, has announced plans to tokenize more than $200 million in permissioned real-world assets (RWAs). These aren’t just any assets; we’re talking about fixed income and equity income instruments, the kind that make grown investors swoon. 💕