Metaplanet has acquired 2,205 BTC for ~$238.7 million at ~$108,237 per bitcoin and has achieved BTC Yield of 416.6% YTD 2025. As of 7/7/2025, we hold 15,555 $BTC acquired for ~$1.54 billion at ~$99,307 per bitcoin. $MTPLF
Atack, the shining beacon of crypto knowledge, quickly found himself under arrest after his neighbor decided to file a bizarre accusation of “violence against women.” Maybe someone’s just *really* passionate about property rights, but hey, *sure*, blame it on the women’s violence laws—those always come in handy when your fence gets knocked down.
Floki (FLOKI), the cryptocurrency equivalent of a cheeky rascal, rose to a staggering $0.000089, which is a neat 45% higher than its lowest point in June. Oh, and did we mention the volume? The 24-hour trading volume shot up by a whopping 83%, topping out at $211 million. Talk about a comeback, eh? 😏
Yet, as the cock crows and the world spins, what is this? Enter, from stage left, Elon Musk: industrialist, melodramatist, Twitter jester—and now, apparently, a modern-day Raskolnikov, splitting parties as easily as he once split atoms (or, at least, business meetings). Dogecoin DOGE $0.17, that mongrel offspring of internet jest and speculation: 24h volatility, a lustful 4.8%. Market cap, $25.71 billion. Volume? $1.70 billion. All this because Musk winks in a meme and the crowd howls, “To the moon!”
Our doughty publishers, already dizzied by Google’s March update—that perennial agent of chaos—found themselves reeling from algorithmic uppercuts and discovery standards stricter than Aunt Agatha at afternoon tea. One moment, they were lords of all they surveyed; the next, they’d misplaced the butler and half the guests had vanished out the French windows. In short: if one lacked compliance readiness or the architectural fortitude of Balmoral Castle, one’s digital reach faded faster than a peer’s sobriety on Derby day. Some poor souls not only failed to keep up—they appeared to have misplaced the map entirely. And yet, a lean squadron of canny operators managed not only to survive, but to thrive—one can only suspect they’d attended the right sort of schools.
Meanwhile, Ethereum, that most worthy of rivals to Bitcoin’s throne, has attempted to move past the $2,600 mark, but alas, was thwarted by the cruel hand of upper-level resistance. And yet, it remains up over 2% in the past 24 hours, trading around $2,577. Ripple, that most mercurial of cryptocurrencies, is up 2.29%, trading around $2.27, while Solana, that most radiant of newcomers, is up nearly 3%. Dogecoin, that most whimsical of memecoins, has registered a substantial increase of nearly 7% over the past 24 hours.
On an early Monday morning, Pepe nobly topped the summit of the 100-day SMA at a magnificent $0.00001009, only to yield to gravity and plunge a full 1% downwards as one might expect from a toad woefully out of his depth, now trading at $0.00000992 according to the ever-reliable CoinDesk data.
Bulls and bears alike, don your finest velvet smoking jacket and prepare to front-run this week’s dazzling developments. The markets swing, darling, and so must you.
With over $15.2 million in trading volume, MEMELESS is currently the most traded memecoin on the platform. Its fully diluted valuation has climbed to $2.05 million, and liquidity has reached nearly $200,000, underpinned by a flurry of over 151,000 transactions—a sign of both frenzied interest and speculative momentum. 💸
This Giga Era, ah, so grandiloquent! The roadmap is rolled out, like a czar’s carpet, for a future where staking ceases to be a pitiful dance of crumbs and instead becomes the waltz of the entire village. The short-term market? Dizzy, inebriated by sudden optimism, spinning around the news like a Moscow reveler who’s had too much kvass. Let us shovel through the data and see if the ground beneath is as solid as the headlines claim.
