Cryptonews

The Facts

A lawyer for US Senator Elizabeth Warren, Ben Stafford, has fired back with all the subtlety of a sledgehammer. Zhao Changpeng (CZ), the founder of Binance, had dared to claim that Warren’s post about his money laundering conviction was defamatory. But Stafford wasn’t having any of it. He called the defamation claim “baseless” and essentially told Zhao to take a seat. Who knew lawyers had such a flair for drama? 🎭

The Facts

“I don’t know who he is,” Trump claims, dismissing the man he just set free-CZ, a billionaire caught red-handed playing with fire-money laundering, terror backing, the whole circus.

C.Z. was a star of the dark alley, pleading guilty in 2023-yet, forgetfulness is the new national pastime. “Who?” he says, pretending he’s never heard of the guy. Classic! 😅

Dogecoin, once the proletariat’s digital bark against the oligarchs of finance, slipped another 2.3% to $0.1827 on Tuesday – as if gravity itself grew tired of pretending.

Here’s where MoonBull ($MOBU)-and no I’m not making it up-does something on par with engineering the Eiffel Tower but for crypto. It’s not just some frothy meme coin prancing around but a well-engineered ecosystem aimed for long-term success. The tokenomics? Designed by wizards, no doubt! Imagine this: a world where every time someone stakes, a unicorn gets a free ride. Because, let’s face it, 95% APY will make you feel like you’ve snagged the one horse that’s actually running towards you. And, mums, it’s super easy to use since no complicated wizardly spells are required. Just a small catch-2 months lock-in. But hey, consider it the equivalent of a girls’ night in, or simply call it ‘for the greater good.’ You also have token burning – real scarcity, my dears, real scarcity! Just leaving you with leftovers? Who achieves liquidity like that ya know? They are sending that to the core. swoon

Ether at $3,880. Another number. They cling to these figures, these ghosts of value, while the foundations crumble beneath their feet. Down 10% and 14% in a single month, they lament! As if the market ever promised permanence. It promises only the thrill of the gamble, the quick rush, the inevitable reckoning 😈.

Oh, look at this: Apollo, Robinhood, and BlackRock’s Kaio all partnering up like they’re in a crypto-themed buddy cop movie. On-chain fundamentals are “diverging” from the price-literally the technical term for “nobody knows what’s happening, but we’re institutionalizing this thing!”

A top trader with a 100% track record is holding 39,000 ETH long ($151M). One wonders if they’ve finally cracked the code to Ethereum’s cryptic riddles. 🧠

Ah, Jelle, the bard of charts, sings of FLOKI’s resilience-a ballet dancer spinning gracefully while the altcoin orchestra collapses in a cacophony. Above its long-term higher low it stands, a monument to structure and buying support. Long-term holders, those stoic patrons of the crypto arts, accumulate like collectors at a Pasternak book signing, taming the beast of downside volatility. 🕺💼