Cryptonews

Accumulator wallets, those voracious beasts of the blockchain, have devoured 375,000 BTC in a month-a feast fit for the gods of finance! 🦖🍖

While the crypto world is busy sobbing into its ledger, these three troublemakers are throwing a party. 🎉 Let’s dive into their shenanigans, shall we?

So, this Bank Policy Institute (BPI), a banking bigwig, doubles down on crypto alarmism. They warn that a little thing like a $20 billion liquidation cascade-triggered by stablecoin USDe’s depegging on October 10th-could spill into the good old fashioned markets. Lovely image, isn’t it? The crypto ripple turning into a tidal wave of tradition. 🌊

Imagine this: a “Japanese” candidate who can’t speak Japanese. A “remote job” that’s more remote than a hermit crab in a snowstorm. Heiner García, our blockchain Sherlock, exposed this farce by setting up a dummy crypto company. The operative? A master of evasion, vanishing faster than a socialist’s promise. 🕳️✨

Once upon a recent October, Bitcoin was king of the hill, hitting an all-time high of $126,000-impressive enough to make even the most hardened hodler do a double take. Now, it’s decided to take a dive-down a hefty 20% to be exact-showing that the crypto markets are as unpredictable as a squirrel on espresso. Rumors of more decline swirl around, probably in the style of a particularly gloomy weather forecast.

For a thrilling three seconds, BTC touched $99,008 – a mere technicality, really – before staggering back to the $102K comfort zone. But what’s a little volatility between friends, darling? The market took one look at macroeconomic tightening and investor jitters, gave a theatrical sigh, and said, “Right, off to the gallows we go.” 🎭

At Ripple Swell, the wise wizards of crypto declared 2025 the “year of payments”-because who needs volatile rollercoasters when you can have stable cross-border transfers? 🌉 Stablecoins, interoperability, and blockchain payments so simple even a troll could use them! Experts say crypto’s finally growing up-less moonboy, more utility. 🚀

This drama isn’t new. Last year’s U.S. election saw similar accusations, with French traders allegedly inflating Trump’s odds, rendering the market a chaotic Siren singing to the desperate gamblers. Some experts, however, assured everyone it’s just a game of arbitrage-like trying to win change from a fountain: eventual, if a bit noisy. 🎲

Willy Woo, that prophet of the blockchain, proclaimed upon the digital crossroads (known to mortals as X): “Liquidation? Nay, I perceive it not!” One might imagine him, quill in hand, scrawling these words upon parchment stained with the tears of bears. The debt, he argues, is but a paper tiger-a menagerie of convertible senior notes that Strategy may tame by offering either cash, stock, or a devil’s brew of both. A financial sleight of hand, perhaps, but one that would make even Raskolnikov raise an eyebrow. 🎩

The Associated Press, that trusty herald of the news, declared Mamdani the victor on Wednesday. He trounced the likes of former Governor Andrew Cuomo (running as an independent, no less!) and Republican Curtis Silwa. Mamdani’s campaign, you see, was all about the bread-and-butter issues-rent, childcare, and the like. His solution? Tax the top 1% until they squeal like stuck pigs. 🐷