Cryptonews

In a post that left the crypto world gasping, Butcher claimed that Binance and Wintermute have been running a game so devious, it would make even the most seasoned of stockbrokers blush. Apparently, in the last 30 days alone, these two fine establishments have exchanged a staggering $34.5 billion between themselves. 😱 How does this tale unfold, you ask? Well, Binance, ever the gracious host, sends off chunks of Bitcoin and Ethereum-ranging from a humble $10 million to a princely $100 million-to Wintermute’s wallets, just hours before every market plunge. A little premeditated, don’t you think?

Yet, amid this chaos, there strolls the illustrious Anti-CZ Whale-a figure both revered and ridiculed. Recall when this aquatic titan shorted ASTER after CZ’s grand announcement? A masterstroke! The coin soared, then nosedived, gifting the whale a fortune in profits and a reputation thicker than a blockchain’s ledger. Now, in a twist worthy of a Gogolian farce, the whale flips its sails from Ethereum shorts to a staggering $109M long position. Is this the dawn of a new era… or merely the whale’s midlife crisis?

MSTR’s debt? Mostly convertible senior notes with a “holder put” option expiring Sept. 15, 2027. According to Woo’s calculations, MSTR’s stock needs to trade above $183 by then to avoid selling Bitcoin to pay the piper. That’s roughly equivalent to Bitcoin hitting $91,502 if we assume a mNAV of 1.0 (a number so arbitrary, it’s practically a cosmic joke). The good news? They can settle conversions with cash, stock, or a mix-because nothing says “financial stability” like a buffet of options. 🤷‍♂️

According to the ever-optimistic trader Dom (@traderview2), XRP has “reached the 12M rVWAP for the first time this year.” A level, he says, that we “really don’t want to be trading under for too long.” In his cheerful warning, he added that if the bulls lose the 12-month rolling VWAP, we could be heading straight to the $2 mark. You know, the land of “meh,” where things can only go either way. But hey, a quick recovery would need $2.50 to break free of the dreaded danger zone. Can we do it? Probably not. But let’s hope. 🙄

They handed over the keys to the kingdom, using their treasure trove valued at over three billion bucks as collateral-because what’s a little leverage among friends? The magic number – $3.13 billion at today’s rates – and not a single dragon guarding their vault, just Bitcoin’s volatility dancing at a tame 0.8%. Market cap? A cool two trillion dollars-because why not dream big? 💸

Apparently, this shady lot has been funneling loot to Pyongyang’s ahem “weapons programs.” Because what’s more fun than funding a little nuclear, right? The US Treasury, that lovely watchdog, reports that they’ve targeted eight individuals and a couple of entities-because nothing screams “business as usual” like laundering funds via ransomware and crypto thefts. As John K. Hurley, that charming chap from the Treasury, put it: “North Korean hackers steal and launder money to keep the regime’s toys on full blast. Nothing like a bit of nuclear flair to spice up a Monday!” 💥🕵️‍♂️

The Bank of Canada, ever the diligent servant of the state, will spend $10 million over two years to supervise this grand spectacle-only to recoup $5 million annually from the poor souls who dare issue stablecoins. A charmingly convoluted dance of regulation, if ever there was one.

Hold onto your hats, folks-Ethereum has just lost its most reliable ally: the 200-day exponential moving average (EMA). This level, which had been acting as a fortress of support since February, was supposed to keep ETH’s spirits high. But alas, it’s now fallen below this critical line, hovering around $3,518 after weeks of dancing around $3,700 to $3,800. What does that mean? Oh, just that Ethereum’s bullish trend is fading fast. Who needs a break above this EMA anymore, right? No big deal. 😬

Should this miracle materialize, XRP shall ascend to the pantheon of crypto’s elite, rubbing shoulders with Bitcoin and Ethereum. A spot ETF! The golden ticket for Ripple’s devotees, nay, its apostles, to parade their faith in the holy ledger.

Accumulator wallets, those voracious beasts of the blockchain, have devoured 375,000 BTC in a month-a feast fit for the gods of finance! 🦖🍖