Cryptonews

According to the sacred scrolls of the TopMob, the Alpharetta-based, probably caffeinated, digital-asset infrastructure giant-Bakkt-reported a net loss of $23.2 million. But worry not! This was merely due to the dark art of warrant revaluation in the shadowy realm of the 2024 direct offering. The real marvel? Adjusted EBITDA skyrocketed 241% to $28.7 million. Apparently, restructuring costs are just fairy dust-it’s the operational gains that count. Bakkt’s coffers now brim with $64.4 million, and, more impressively, they abolished that dreadful Up-C structure on Nov 3, simplifying governance like a well-bred aristocrat. 🏰💰

Eric Balchunas, a man with the face of someone who knows too much, whispered that when Canary did the same for HBAR earlier, the very next day, the heavens parted and the ETF was born anew-like a phoenix rising from the ashes of speculation. If fate is consistent (which it often is not), Thursday shall be the day when XRP officially steps onto the stage of the world’s folly. The signs, like old wives’ tales, all point to an imminent debut. Stay tuned, or risk being left behind in the dust of broken dreams.

The SATA stock, ever the prima donna, pirouetted 1.26% to $92.15, while ASST shares leapt a dramatic 4.05% in the after-hours masquerade. 🎭💃

CoinGlass is telling us that traders are leaning more bullish-like, really bullish-at a 0.9 long/short ratio. Basically, people are placing their virtual money where their mouth is, expecting SHIB to go up, up, and away. After last week’s crypto chaos-Bitcoin’s tantrum below $100K-SHIB decided to do a little rebound dance, rallying over 8%. Apparently, everyone’s banking on a Shiba Inu ETF and some political drama (hello, U.S. government shutdown) to make the coin go supernova.

Kalshi Inc., that paragon of predictive alchemy, faced the wrath of three California tribes-Blue Lake Rancheria, Chicken Ranch Rancheria of Me-Wuk Indians, and Picayune Rancheria of the Chukchansi Indians-each howling that its contracts were a wolf in sheep’s clothing: unlawful gaming masquerading as market wisdom. Yet U.S. District Judge Jacqueline Scott Corley, with the wisdom of a cat observing a mouse trap, denied their motion, deeming their claims “unlikely to succeed.” A verdict as poetic as it was pragmatic.

Now, Weisberger isn’t just throwing shade for fun. He says, straight up, that the reason people invest in assets is because they expect them to grow and because they’ve got a solid reason for that belief. For Bitcoin, that reason is simple: it’s the “sound money” for the digital age, replacing gold, which has been kind of lost at sea since 1913 (thanks a lot, 1971). Bitcoin doesn’t need to rely on anyone’s word; it’s backed by a vast network of node operators. Gold? Well, you trust the people who say they’ve got it. Big difference.

On-chain data, as confirmed by Glassnode, reveals a most extraordinary spike. This profit-taking, though, hath occurred even as the price recovered to above $2.50. A most curious divergence, indicating a rude market struggle between sellers and new institutional demands. 🕵️‍♀️📉

CoreWeave’s (CRWV) downtrend has worsened after the company warned that data centre delays would impact its fourth-quarter results. Who knew? 🧙‍♂️

On Monday, the Senate-those grand architects of compromise-approved a funding package, inching closer to ending the shutdown. “Hours, not days,” crooned Senate Majority Leader John Thune, his optimism as hollow as a politician’s apology. Yet, the Bitcoin ETFs yawned, their inflows a meager $1.2 million, according to Farside Investors. A pittance! A drop in the ocean of greed! 🌊💰