Cryptonews

According to a Reuters dispatch, the China Securities Regulatory Commission (CSRC) has taken it upon itself to play the role of the uninvited chaperone at this financial soiree. Several mainland brokerages, no doubt brimming with entrepreneurial zeal, were politely but firmly asked to halt their RWA tokenization projects. “Slow down, comrades,” Beijing whispered, “lest you outpace our ability to control your enthusiasm.” 🤚✨

As Bitcoin’s (BTC) sell-off is gaining momentum faster than a toddler on a sugar rush, the experts are now zeroing in on three vital price floors that might just decide if the cryptocurrency’s fate is a glorious comeback or a slow-motion disaster.

XRP, in what can only be described as an eventful trading day, took quite the tumble-nearly 5%, as institutions pounced on the opportunity to offload during the REX-Osprey ETF debut. This sell-the-news scenario swiftly wiped out a whopping $11 billion in market value. Clearly, XRP now faces the daunting task of defending its critical $2.77 support, as if it were a knight in armor warding off a dragon. 😅

The United Kingdom, in a shocking display of efficiency (or perhaps just sheer boredom), has decided to stop taking three eternities to approve crypto registrations. The Financial Conduct Authority, in between tea breaks, confirmed wait times have dropped by a whopping 69% since 2023. Because nothing says “supportive but cautious” like finally realizing crypto isn’t going away. Meanwhile, applications have plummeted-probably because everyone’s too busy watching cat videos.

ENA tripped over its own cape at $0.85 resistance, nosedived 35% in two weeks, and now threatens to moonwalk into the abyss if support crumbles. Traders are clutching pearls and popcorn.

As the latest provisions laid before the esteemed SEC reveal, Canary would solicit its investors to part with their silver for the privilege of participating in the HBAR ETF, a product undeniably confident in the demand it anticipates. Unlike their prior, modest Litecoin ETF, which charmingly presented a fee of only 0.95%, this new venture seems to boldly target the uppermost echelons of pricing-perhaps with a whisper of arrogance, but undoubtedly with a remarkable belief in the product’s desirability. The underlying asset, Hedera’s native HBAR, appears to be a favourite among those fond of decentralized applications and enterprise blockchain pursuits. It’s like having the finest of teas without ever having to brew a single leaf-simply track it, and let the market’s whims do the rest. 🧐

If this risky venture pays off, it could set the stage for other exchanges to blend crypto exposure with unrelated futures contracts, like mixing oil with water and somehow making it work. But, even if it doesn’t take off, it’s still a shiny new toy in Coinbase’s product lineup. 🎲

Ah, the whimsical dance of markets! Like a sorcerer tired of suburbia, Arthur Hayes-co-founder of BitMEX and part-time crypto conjurer-cast away his entire treasure chest of HYPE tokens, worth a princely $5 million. This abrupt vanishing act ignited a flurry of chatter among the restless crypto masses. Yet, undeterred by his own vanishing trick, Hayes assures us the 126x growth prophecy still shines brightly in the distant mists of 2028. Patience, dear mortals, patience.

Maybe. It all depends on whether crypto behaves during the New York trading session – kinda like how your cat only acts cute when company’s around. Watch those $112.9k and $116.1k levels like a hawk (or like you’re stalking your ex on social media).

Crypto wallets are looking rougher than my Aunt Ida’s meatloaf-down 3.81%-dragging the whole crypto economy down to $3.88 trillion. That’s right, guys: the $4 trillion fantasy just face-planted faster than Buster Keaton on roller skates.