Cryptonews

According to those number-crunching wizards at Glassnode, Bitcoin’s breach of this quantile is like a canary in a coal mine-only this canary’s got a wallet and a bad case of the jitters. If it don’t reclaim that level pronto, we’re looking at a slide down to $105K or even $90K, faster than a hound dog after a rabbit. The price is sittin’ pretty at $112,565, but that’s a 0.48% dip today, and trading volume’s drier than a bone in the Sahara at $49.5 billion. Seems like the market’s got cold feet and a case of the “what-ifs.” 🤔

Yet lo! A glimmer of hope emerges from the cryptic shadows: the blockchain. With its alchemy of open-source code and public ledger sorcery, crypto careers may yet outwit the H-1B lottery. After all, who needs a lottery when you can summon your own “extraordinary ability”? 🚀

Optimism has strutted back into the room after a sharp corrective move within a descending channel, as if the channel itself were the universe’s way of saying, “/File under: potential.” Analyst Rami Scalps has sketched out a bullish scenario, calling for a long entry at $0.6297, with a stop loss at $0.5814 and a target of $0.7248. The kind of precise forecast that makes fortune cookies look sloppy. 🐳

Seems like the world’s wallet is only so deep these days – can’t have the golden bull and the digital buck both tearing up the prairie at once.

“What?”-the only fitting response by the prominent oracle Gainzy, whose wit is as sharp as a serf’s scythe, to the astonishing apparition of SBF’s message after his long exile behind bars. Perhaps a friend, or a ghost, dared to utter this mundane greeting that set markets aflame.

For Coinbase, this isn’t just another token listing, it’s part of a bigger plan to bring a billion people into crypto by letting them transact in the money they already know and use. A billion people? That’s a lot of people. I’m sure they’ll all be thrilled to use their own money in crypto. Or maybe they’ll just be confused. Either way, let’s do it. 🤷‍♂️

Some chronicle this curious man’s recent gambit: a bold wager of ten percent, a colossal $20.5 million, wrapped up in 450,766 HYPE tokens, placed but hours ago. One imagines the trader gazing upon these digits and tokens as a hopeful poet does blank pages, dreaming of sonnets yet to come.

And lo, the project stands but a mere few thousand dollars shy of its $900,000 goal, having already amassed the considerable sum of $897,612. One can scarcely imagine the tea parties such funds might finance! 🍵

Enter the shiny knight-Bitcoin Hyper Layer 2-built on the Solana Virtual Machine, an ironical twist of fate, designed to elevate Bitcoin to the level of a speedy, cost-effective deity. This bold little solution is like giving a tattered old horse a jetpack-suddenly, thousands of transactions per second are within grasp, and fees plummet to mere whispers of the former peaks. Marvel as the Canonical Bridge enables the daring to ferry $BTC between worlds, locking it on the Bitcoin mainnet while minting a new token-$HYPER, the hero of this epic-ready to unlock a universe of decentralized finance, meme coins, and other digital wizardry.

And here’s the punchline that makes you wonder if they’re joking: Coinbase paid a bunch of surveyors, and 70% of the locals are filing their tax returns while secretly dreaming of stablecoins based on their national currencies. Because, clearly, what everyone needs in their life is a digital representation of their morning coffee budget, but with more blockchain. ☕️💸