Cryptonews

MoneyControl, that oracle of business gossip, claims the Ministry of Finance will “present its case” in the Survey-a case as fragile as a moth’s wing. Meanwhile, RBI Governor Sanjay Malhotra, draped in the robes of prudence, scoffs at the notion of crypto’s grandeur:

In a report that seems almost too good to be true, Cornerstone, in its infinite wisdom, announced that, compared to fiscal year 2024, the SEC has been far less diligent in keeping those pesky public companies and their subsidiaries in line. How could this happen, you ask? Well, apparently, this reduction in vigor is nothing short of “consistent with the general pattern for other fiscal years when the SEC administration changed.” Ah, yes, it’s all so predictable, isn’t it? The circle of SEC life! 💼

In today’s installment, Dovile Silenskyte, the high priestess of Digital Assets Research at WisdomTree, deigns to explain Crypto Indices. Apparently, they’re not just random numbers on a screen. Who knew? 🤷‍♀️

The wedge resistance near $0.1819 looms like a mountain, while Taker Buy CVD strength dances like a flickering candle. Open Interest rises like a tide, promising chaos. ⚠️

The rate of Bitcoin (BTC) has declined by 1.71% over the last day. Like a confused squirrel falling off a tree. 🐿️😭

Market enthusiasm? More like “Oh no, here we go again” as crypto asset manager Bitwise announced that its Bitwise XRP ETF would begin trading today on the NYSE under the ticker XRP. The firm detailed a 0.34% management fee, waived for one month on the first $500 million in assets, giving investors spot access to XRP. 💸

According to this crypto wizard, Bitcoin’s current snooze fest-er, “flat correction”-mirrors the S&P’s pre-parabolic nap. 💤 After a 76% nosedive (ouch, my portfolio!), BTC is supposedly gearing up for its “and now for something completely different” moment. 🎭 But hey, what’s a 200% rally without a little drama, am I right? 🍿

If you ignore the short-term drama (because who has time for that?), the monthly Bollinger Bands are “bullish.” Translation: XRP is still clinging to $1.75 like a sunburned tourist to a beach umbrella. But hold your horses! To hit that mid-band, XRP needs to take a 16.65% dip. That’s $21 billion in market cap disappearing… which is just a fancy way of saying, “Enjoy your new financial therapy sessions.” And don’t even get me started on how long this could take-weeks? Months? Sounds like a crypto version of waiting for a Netflix update.

Three dollars, you say? A mere trifle, yet it holds the key to ATOM’s fate. Like a tightrope walker over the Volga, a dip below this level would send our dear altcoin tumbling into the abyss of invalidated breakouts. 🪜💔