Cryptonews

The audacity of Saylor’s proclamation-calling Bitcoin the “next frontier” for corporate treasuries-rings with the grandiosity of a man convinced by his own sermon. “You can’t teleport gold,” he chuckled, as if teleportation were the greatest concern of a man with billions of virtual coins clutched in his imaginary hand. Yet, there is something strangely earnest in this-an acknowledgment of the futility and brilliance coiled inside this digital frenzy. Saylor’s strategy, amidst the chaos of markets more mercurial than a Moscow spring morning, is to embrace Bitcoin like a sturdy but unpredictable steed.

This ledger, replete with smart contracts (those programmable marvels that enforce rules with the precision of a London drawing-room etiquette), is boldly positioned as a rival to stablecoins. One must wonder if the ladies of the ton would find such speed and efficiency as thrilling as a well-timed quadrille. 🤚

On 28 September, a Bitcoin advocate named Calle shared screenshots of media coverage with a post on X, saying, “bitchat downloads spiking in Madagascar.” The line lands like a splash of ink on a page already damp with rumor, a headline that knows how to laugh at itself while the crowd leans closer for the truth.

Where’d the cash come from? Oh, just their usual tricks: selling common stock via an at-the-market (ATM) program and issuing perpetual preferred stock. Because why not? 🛒

Ah, BitMine Immersion Technologies (BMNR), that modern-day alchemist, has once again stirred the cauldron of finance. In a press release as timely as a summer storm, they announced their ether holdings had swelled to 2.65 million tokens-a figure that, they assure us, constitutes over 2% of the total ETH supply. How quaintly impressive! 🧙♂️

Accounts tell of crowds who, after days of blackouts and shortages, did take to the streets with a resolve most unbecoming of a tranquil salon. The authorities, in their wisdom, imposed a dusk-to-dawn curfew to try to stop looting and clashes-one cannot help but admire such a display of administrative punctuality, though the outcome remains to be seen. 😅

The rally comes as the broader crypto market rebounds following a subdued weekend. ZEC could extend its gains with traders rotating back into altcoins showing fresh momentum. 🕵️‍♂️

Blockchain’s the star of this show, folks! 🌟 It’s secure, transparent, and settles funds faster than you can say, “Springtime for Hitler.” 🇬🇧 Banks and fintech startups are piloting these blockchain payment rails like they’re auditioning for a Broadway hit. No more middlemen, no more waiting-just direct transfers that’ll make your old bank look like a horse-drawn carriage in a Formula 1 race. 🏎️ International remittances? Done in minutes, not days. Traceability? It’s like GPS for your money. 🚀

Enter the Bitcoin whales-who, let’s face it, are probably just rich dudes in hoodies-splurging on 30K $BTC last week ($3.3B!). Metaplanet bought 5K BTC and now thinks it’s the Beyoncé of Bitcoin treasuries. 💸

Now, Elon Musk. Oy vey. That guy. Since 2013, this coin’s fate is tied to his every tweet, every whim, especially if it involves, you know, *the government*. This Grok deal? It’s like a Bat-Signal for Dogecoin believers. A Bat-Signal made of…code. And hype.