Cryptonews

Buterin, ever the Cassandra, acknowledges the short-term allure of this scheme but foresees its collapse under the weight of its own naiveté. “In the short term, it will have lots of positive effects,” he concedes, before delivering the coup de grâce: sophisticated operators, those digital Houdinis, shall outpace X’s defenses with the ease of a gentleman dodging a social obligation. Rentable passports, phone numbers, and IP infrastructure-the tools of the trade for those who find authenticity as appealing as a cold bath. 🛁

In a move that can only be described as Chekhovian in its tragicomic flair, Enlivex has declared itself the pioneer of the “Digital Asset Treasury” centered on-wait for it-a token that predicts the future. Or tries to. Meanwhile, Bitcoin and Ethereum sit in the corner, sipping tea and wondering where it all went wrong. 🍵😔

And then-oh, the viral prophecy! Born from the lips of @MASTERBTCLTC, a social media oracle with over 53,000 followers-an evangelist of fractals and dreams. His posts, like a siren’s song, attract communities eager to believe in the impossible. But alas, many of his sky-high targets have failed to materialize-like Icarus’ wings melting under the sun. Still, they chatter about fractals because visibility is easier than actual reliability-an eternal truth in the world of hype and despair.

Well, I say, old bean, it appears that Franklin Templeton has decided to chuck its hat into the XRP ring, launching the Franklin XRP Trust (XRPZ) on NYSE Arca, what? Giving the chaps and chapesses a spot of regulated access to the XRP token, no less. Jolly good show, what? This puts one of Wall Street’s most venerable institutions smack-dab in the middle of the XRP fund hullabaloo, alongside the likes of Bitwise, Grayscale, and Canary Capital. Top hole!

According to the wise folks at Arkham, the U.S. government’s crypto pile is now a measly $28.7 billion. 😱 That’s down from a whopping $42 billion in October and $30 billion when Trump waved his executive wand. 🪄💥

Arthur Hayes, the guy who used to run BitMEX, says Bitcoin’s $80,000 bottom was probably the worst it’ll get for now.

Apparently, investment products (fancy term for “gambling with emojis”) saw $1.94B in outflows last week. That’s $4.92B in four weeks-the third-largest outflow since 2018. Bitcoin took the biggest hit at $1.27B, and Ethereum cried with $589M in outflows. 🥲📉

So, what’s the scoop here? Bitcoin’s recent plunge has made even the most hardened investors nervous, but it’s not the veterans who are getting jittery. No, no-it’s the shiny new whales who’ve joined the fray and, well, they’re cracking under the pressure.

Mr. Hougan, with all the charm of a man who’s seen it all, makes a bold claim-most digital asset treasuries are structurally designed to trade below the value of the crypto they hold. Why, you ask? Because of the trifecta of doom: illiquidity, expenses, and operational risks. Not exactly a winning formula, is it? Investors, the clever chaps they are, tend to discount these DATs, given that they can’t actually lay their hands on the crypto itself. “Why pay full price for bitcoin you’ll receive in a year?” Hougan quips, adding that any delays or complications immediately drive the market value down. Isn’t that just darling?

Well, butter my biscuit, the new week’s off to a start as gloomy as a dust bowl sky. Bitcoin’s already tuckering out, slinking down to $86,000 from its weekend high of $88,000. The CoinDesk 20 Index (CD20) ain’t doing much better, shivering like a dog in a winter storm, down to 2,758 from 2,816. 🤠💨