Cryptonews

GCV Rumors (2023’s Most Creative Fantasy) Blamed on a Date: November 28th or “The Day Pi Tried to Be a Zillow Listing.”

At Square’s investor day-a gathering where men in expensive suits nod gravely at PowerPoint slides-Dorsey faced the question of the century. Jeff Cantwell, an analyst with the audacity of a Soviet-era interrogator, demanded: “Jack, are you Satoshi Nakamoto?” Dorsey, ever the Zen monk of evasion, shrugged. “Who cares?” he muttered, as if discussing the weather. “Bitcoin belongs to the people now.” Classic Satoshi behavior-deflecting like a KGB agent at a tea party. ☕

The sharp deflation of these delusional assets, he argues, is but a salutary cough in the grand theater of capital-a way to dissent from the “irrational exuberance” of the unwashed masses. Truer words were never spoken with such a smug tone. 🚀

Aggregated open interest, that ever-fickle companion, took a nosedive from 227 million to a mere 226.3 million. A decline so slight, it’s as if the market yawned and said, “Meh.” This, paired with a falling price, suggests traders are closing positions like a disgruntled barkeep shutting down a pub. 🍻

This commendation is akin to a grand parade for the township of prediction markets in this land of freedom. Now, the American folks can wager their bets on the vagaries of the future through those stodgy traditional brokerages and futures commission merchants, availing themselves under the stern gaze of laws meant for the older, more established exchanges. Oh, what times we are living in! 🤓

The company, with the enthusiasm of a salesman hawking snake oil at a county fair, informed TopMob that users can now send stablecoins directly to banks in Nigeria and Mexico. No intermediaries, no fuss-just pure, unadulterated financial convenience (or so they claim).

XRP, once the rebellious outsider, is now attracting the eye of institutional giants with the introduction of multiple exchange-traded products (ETPs). Grayscale’s XRP Trust ETF (GXRP), which debuted on November 18, 2025, is already seeing some early buzz, according to their filings-because, of course, everyone loves a new shiny thing. Bitwise jumped in with a similar XRP ETP right before GXRP, and Franklin Templeton, in a moment of “me too,” plans to join the party with their own XRP ETF, pending regulatory approval, naturally. Because what’s an ETF without a little waiting game?

Oh, what a delightful surprise! XRP-yes, the same XRP you probably thought was taking a nap-has just had an explosive overnight growth, adding a staggering 9.5 billion to its market cap in just 24 hours. A neat little 7% jump took it to a record-breaking 2.20, leaving the rest of the crypto market trailing behind with a humble 1.97% increase. How charming! 🤑

Its strategy, once a “flywheel” of brilliance, now creaks like an old carousel. Issue equity when the sun shines, raise money, buy Bitcoin-a dance as old as the market itself. But when the stock plummeted, the music stopped. Warrants, once alluring, now gather dust. The funding channel, once a river, is now a trickle. Without this equity-based lifeblood, its BTC acquisition strategy hangs by a thread. 🕸️

On-chain researcher Axel Adler Jr. had a bit of a revelation on Tuesday: the Bitcoin Bull-Bear Structure Index has been marooned in negative territory since November 11. Of course, this indicates relentless selling pressure, as if we didn’t already know that. But wait, there’s more! A short-term reversal appears to be in motion. The metric, once languishing at a ghastly -43%, has improved to a rather more tolerable -20%. Could this be the first sign of the bear’s long-awaited retreat? Dare we hope?