On-chain data, my dear, is simply screaming that losses are piling up faster than gossip at a Coward cocktail party. The question on everyone’s lips: Can these fallen stars ever regain their luster? 🌟
Ah, the whales! Those leviathans of the crypto sea, have cast their nets, injecting $2B into Bitcoin’s coffers. A bold gambit, while the minnows cower, their tails between their legs, after months of choppy waters and liquidations. 🌊🐳
Le noble Autorité Financière des Pays-Bas, alias AFM, a béni cette entreprise avec une licence sous le joli nom de Markets in Crypto-Assets Regulation (MiCA), qui sonne comme une chanson de La Traviata, mais qui, en réalité, leur permettra de jouer avec la cryptomonnaie comme un jeune danseur lors du bal du Carnaval! 🌟
Pray, consider this: Bitcoin, once the darling of the retail rabble, now findeth itself shackled to the whims of institutional masters. A flat line, once harmless, now portends doom! Forsooth, the halving, miner’s toil, and supply shocks are but distant memories. Nay, ’tis the quarterly reports and year-end bonuses that rule the roost! 📈📉
All loans are backed by Metaplanet’s Bitcoin stash, which boasts a hefty 30,823 BTC, valued at roughly $2.7 billion-enough to make a Gold Rush look like a coin toss. 🪙💸
The valorous FLOKI/USD chart shows the token tiptoeing around 0.00004889, as if afraid to go too far, lest the market bellow “Not so fast!” after weeks of suffering from a bad case of downside pressure. Rumors swirl about mild upward attempts – like a tired snail climbing a mountain – with candles merrily forming higher lows, yet resistance lurks stubbornly at 0.00004950, probably sipping tea and chuckling. 🐢
This declaration arrives as the company’s stock, once a darling of the markets, has tumbled by 49%, leaving investors clutching their portfolios like lifeboats in a storm. And now, the specter of exclusion from MSCI indices looms, a decision awaited with the dread of a Siberian winter by January 2026. ❄️📉
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GCV Rumors (2023’s Most Creative Fantasy) Blamed on a Date: November 28th or “The Day Pi Tried to Be a Zillow Listing.”
At Square’s investor day-a gathering where men in expensive suits nod gravely at PowerPoint slides-Dorsey faced the question of the century. Jeff Cantwell, an analyst with the audacity of a Soviet-era interrogator, demanded: “Jack, are you Satoshi Nakamoto?” Dorsey, ever the Zen monk of evasion, shrugged. “Who cares?” he muttered, as if discussing the weather. “Bitcoin belongs to the people now.” Classic Satoshi behavior-deflecting like a KGB agent at a tea party. ☕
