Russia Opens Crypto Door-But Only a Crack and With a Shotgun 🚪💥

A sad Russian bear holding a Bitcoin

Absolutely not! ❌ Zero! Nada! Not even to buy a decent pelmeni at the train station. Using crypto for payments in Russia remains illegal with the enthusiasm of a Soviet librarian banning Dostoevsky. The state has drawn its line in the permafrost: you may dream of Bitcoin, but don’t you dare pay for bread with it. That’s still the holy privilege of the ruble-blessed by inflation and guarded by bureaucrats. 🥨🩸

XRP ETFs Swallow Millions-Is Heaven (or Hell) Near for XRP?

And what marvel is this? Grayscale and Franklin Templeton, those titans of financial piety, unleashed their GXRP and XRPZ upon the people, drawing in the sum of $130 million in a single breath! Such devotion! Such faith! As if the very market itself had suddenly found redemption-albeit priced at 0.50% management fee. 🧾💸

Ripple Flags UK Budget as Pivotal Moment With Digital Asset Power Moves Ahead

According to Ripple, the UK’s Nov. 26 Budget isn’t just another boring day at the office; it’s a golden opportunity to take the digital asset world by storm. Forget the old-school financial systems. With clear policies on stablecoins and crypto, the UK could potentially leave everyone else in the dust and cement its position at the top of the financial food chain. Because, who wouldn’t want to be the most ‘crypto-friendly’ country around, right?

Bitcoin’s Befuddling Booms: Can Dummies Decode the Latest Dwindles? 😜

Indeed, in a wild and spectacular show reminiscent of Jeeves & Wooster’s capers, Bitcoin did much more than just dip its toes in the fiscal waters, it nearly cannonballed over to an almost exorbitant $92,000. It trades now, much like Gussie Fink-Nottle at a cocktail party, above both $90,000 and the 100 hourly Simple Moving Average. It got across that feeble old bearish trend line at $88,000 with the agility of a starling in an open window!

DOGE ETF: The Memecoin Revolution Hits Wall Street! 🐶💰

Bitwise Asset Management announced on Nov. 26 that it has launched the Bitwise Dogecoin ETF (NYSE: BWOW), offering a new exchange-traded route for gaining DOGE exposure. The firm also noted that the management fee will be 0.34%, with a temporary 0% rate on the first $500 million in initial assets.

Why Tether’s S&P Downgrade Is Just Another Blip in the Wild World of Crypto

S&P Global, with its brand-new risk scale (fancy!), didn’t just drop a bombshell; it unveiled a whole new grading system for stablecoins in 2023. Apparently, Tether’s USDT now sits at a pathetic “5 (weak)”-the worst rating you can get. That’s down from its previous “4 (constrained).” S&P wasn’t thrilled with Tether’s lack of transparency, especially when it comes to the financial health of its custodians and counterparties. 🙄