Cryptonews

After months of languishing under the oppressive weight of a descending trendline-an unwelcome guest that kept its price prisoner-Kaspa has suddenly, almost mischievously, shattered these bonds. With a rally of 40% in just one week, it has proven that the darkest night is often followed by the most glorious dawn, especially if whales are involved-you know, those elegant giants who buy dips and smile smugly at everyone else’s panic.

A Guide to Getting Screwed

The cash is flowing back-$70 billion, to be precise-since the government shutdown ended. And don’t get too comfy; $300 billion more is expected to flood in over the next few weeks as the Treasury General Account gets its act together, according to ARK Invest. Talk about a liquid lunch.

By November 27, 2025, its market cap had ballooned to $90 million-a sum that would make even the most hardened capitalist blush. Web3 neobanks, those digital sirens, lure in the credulous with promises of decentralization and record transaction volumes. Ah, progress! Or is it just another carnival of greed? 🎪💰

Rising contracts and buyer dominance say “yes,” but let’s not jinx it. 🤞

He didn’t explicitly name the wretched token, mind you. No, that would be too direct! Instead, he left it to the “sleuths” – those tireless detectives of the digital age – to deduce his meaning. One can practically see them, magnifying glasses in hand, muttering about chart patterns and the mysteries of cryptographic algorithms. Honestly, the drama! 🙄

Although the markets appear to be recovering, traders remain sceptical and appear to be bracing for bearish consequences. In such a case, the question arises as to how long the bulls can hold the rally higher. 🧠

It holds about 116 tonnes of gold in its vaults, mostly acquired in 2025, and now rivals smaller central banks like Korea. ⚖️

Absolutely not! ❌ Zero! Nada! Not even to buy a decent pelmeni at the train station. Using crypto for payments in Russia remains illegal with the enthusiasm of a Soviet librarian banning Dostoevsky. The state has drawn its line in the permafrost: you may dream of Bitcoin, but don’t you dare pay for bread with it. That’s still the holy privilege of the ruble-blessed by inflation and guarded by bureaucrats. 🥨🩸

And what marvel is this? Grayscale and Franklin Templeton, those titans of financial piety, unleashed their GXRP and XRPZ upon the people, drawing in the sum of $130 million in a single breath! Such devotion! Such faith! As if the very market itself had suddenly found redemption-albeit priced at 0.50% management fee. 🧾💸