US spot Bitcoin (BTC) exchange-traded funds (ETFs) bled $866 million on Thursday, a day that etched its name in the annals of crypto history as the second-worst, narrowly missing the $1.14 billion hemorrhage of Feb. 25, 2025. 🩸
Behold, Ethereum trades at a paltry $3,211, a 10% plunge in mere hours. Over the week, it has fallen 4%, and in the past month, a staggering 21%. Its August high of $4,946? A distant memory, a mirage in the desert of despair, now 35% out of reach. Trading volume, however, surges-up 32.7% to $49.6 billion-as if the rats are fleeing the sinking ship with renewed vigor. 🐀⚓
Bitcoin’s back where it was in June of ’25, which, let’s be honest, in crypto years is practically the Stone Age. November’s been a hard month, a real gut punch from its peak in October down to the mid-$90,000 range. It’s a humbling experience for those who thought it would just…keep going up. 🤷♂️
But hold the schmaltz! There’s a little something-something brewing. See, these “stablecoin exchange reserves” are going UP! It’s a mystery, I tell ya, a mystery! Analysts are whispering, saying maybe, just maybe, people are holding onto their drachmas, waiting for the next big shebang. Are they stockpiling for a comeback or just bracing for the apocalypse? 🤔
Eric Balchunas, Bloomberg’s go-to expert for all things finance (and probably a secret super hero), took to X (yes, that’s still Twitter) to drop some knowledge on how impressive this XRP ETF launch is. His take? Historic. That’s a big word. And we’re here for it. 🙌
Ah, Ethereum! Once a beacon of innovation, now a trembling wraith clinging to the $3,000 precipice. Four percent lighter this week, it staggers under the weight of absent buyers, its spirit sapped by a bearish gale. Yet-could it be?-whispers of a “bullish divergence” haunt the MACD and RSI, like a prisoner hallucinating freedom. Will the $3,800 wall prove a Sisyphean torment, or shall ETH rally, only to collapse again? The drama thickens! 🎭
In this age of digital delirium, where even socks have NFTs, Nebraska dares to waltz with innovation. The Department of Banking and Finance, with the subtlety of a marching band, announced on Nov. 12 that Telcoin Digital Asset Bank may now peddle its wares under the state’s watchful eye. One might say it’s the financial equivalent of serving caviar on a cornhusk platter.
BitGo, BiT Global, and LayerZero.
The “Bipartisan Market Structure Draft” is basically a legal game of “Simon Says” for regulators: CFTC, SEC, and everyone’s favorite – nobody. Proponents claim this will “remove years of legal uncertainty” – which is just a fancy way of saying, “Let’s all stop pretending we know what we’re doing!” 🤷♂️
